THE residents of Albert Square are gathered under the Christmas tree ready to sing their hearts out at the Walford Choir Concert. It’s the perfect festive scene of peace and goodwill – two things usually in short supply in Soapland once the tinsel and mistletoe come out. Of course, the concert doesn’t go entirely as planned, an omen that this will be the usual very unmerry Christmas in EastEnders (BBC1) where gloom and doom are on the menu along with turkey and mince pies.

It’s not all bad. Cora is lured into the Queen Vic’s barrel store by Stan (he’s just an old romantic at heart) where he delivers a big surprise. No, not that. He’s looking natty in a tuxedo and Cora’s got her gladrags on (more Primark than Harvey Nicks but hey, she’s looks glamorous). Best of all Stan has transformed the store into a winter wonderland, but without the reindeer droppings. Little does he know that his runaway wife has been invited for Christmas dinner. You know what they say, two’s company and three’s an X-rated movie.

Somebody’s goose is cooked as Linda reveals her rape secret to Stacey, who promptly dumps her boyfriend and perpetrator of the dirty deed Dean. But will Linda finally tell the rest of the Carter family before her secret spills out in another more unpleasant way. There’s also the little matter of husband Mick not knowing that Dean is his brother.

Christmas is a time for giving, but Cindy doesn’t want the unexpected present left under the tree for her. It’s important evidence tied to Lucy’s murder. The dead girl’s father, Ian Beale, is busy in bed with Jane, a woman who’s come back for more. More festive nookey at Dot Cotton’s abode as she returns to find Nasty Nick and Yvonne is what might be described as a compromising position on the sofa. Or perhaps they were just testing the mistletoe.

In Coronation Street (ITV1) Roy goes into bat, not in a cricket match ,but using Gary as the ball. Howzat? Broke Gary is desperately seeking money so decides to rob the till at Roy’s Rolls on Boxing Day. Alas, owner Roy returns unexpectedly, grabs the nearest weapon – a cricket bat – and proceeds to batter Gary. One of them ends up in a police cell, the other in hospital.

Soapland police are going to be very busy this holiday time because there’s more Christmas Day violence round at the Platt’s house. Kylie was hoping for a quiet time, but reckoned without the reappearance of ex-boyfriend Callum in a bid to woo her back. He gives her a Christmas present – drugs. David sees the exchange and, you’ve guessed, a fight ensues.

Depressed Steve McDonald has adopted a spend, spend, spend policy for Christmas. That’s partly to cheer himself up and partly to stop people guessing he’s not feeling himself. All the presents and the lavish feast he lays on (not literally) for the family have cost him dearly. It’s also meant Streetcars employees Eileen and Michael haven’t been paid.

There is good news for some kissing couples. Terrible Tracy embarks on her latest dangerous liaison with Terrible Tony ,but two wrong’uns don’t make Mr Right. Nick Nick has fallen for Erica although she’s made it clear she’s not hanging around, while Bistro barmaid Steph pulls more than a pint of Newton and Ridley when she cosies up to fellow worker Gavin.