IT’S a wonder any work ever gets done in Underworld, the Walford knicker factory in Coronation Street (ITV1). If the stroppy workers aren’t on strike, the owners are having affairs or killing people. A dead body was hidden under the floor. And the place has been burnt down several times. The insurance premiums must be higher than a banker’s bonus.

Now owner Frank Foster is flat on his back on the floor. He’s lying in a pool of blood. His own blood. Yes, Frank has been bashed on the bounce by an unknown assailant. Or maybe he was battered to death with a pair of overstarched Y-fronts.

He has, most Soapland observers will agree, been asking for it. He’s not a nice man. He raped Carla, but got away with it in court and someone decides the factory boss must pay with his life.

Inevitably, he argues with all and sundry in the run-up to his put-down. Top of the list of usual suspects is Carla and lover Peter Barlow. Both like a drink and both have been drowning their sorrows in the hours before Frank meets a sticky end on the factory floor.

Seeing the pair boozed up leads to Peter’s wife Leanne saying she’s going to claim custody of young Simon. That makes matters worse as Peter goes off on a bender (which isn’t illegal except in some American states) and who knows what he does when he’s drunk.

Then there’s Silly Sally, who lived up to her name by standing up for Frank at his rape trial and then was humiliated when he cheated on her. As she’s the one found crouched over Frank’s body with blood on her hands, she must be a prime suspect.

Of course Peter might be the one whodunit. He returns home with a hangover and blood on his shirt and can’t use the excuse that he cut himself shaving.

Or even Silly Sally’s ex-husband Kevin who’s furious that his former missus has been played for a fool. Hours before Frank’s found lifeless, Kevin vows to kill him.

How about Anne Foster, the victim’s mother? She was left speechless after Frank revealed the truth about him attacking Carla. She thought her little boy could do no wrong. Perhaps she killed him for being a very naughty boy.

SOMEONE else is flat on the floor in EastEnders (BBC1). Look, it’s young Lauren who could drink Peter and Carla under the table. A night out with Lucy and Whitney leaves her drunk and disorderly, although her crimes extend no further than pinching chips from Beale’s Plaice (which deserves to be burnt down with a name like that).

Then she passes out in the gutter before she can disgrace herself further. Her parents don’t even recognise the heap lying there when they pass by on their way home. Never mind Lauren picks herself up, dusts herself down and moves out after former lover Tyler and brother Anthony take her in.

Lauren might care to join Zak Dingle in a drink or two or three in Emmerdale (ITV1). Sacked from his job, he heads off to the Woolpack to drown his sorrows. He’s still fretting over bashing son Cain over the head (take note, Anne Foster) and, instead of working, he’s boozing.

The sooner they stop selling cheap lager down the Soapland supermarket the better.