THE world comes crashing down on the Masoods in East- Enders (BBC1) when Tamwar and Afia sneak off and get married.

Then they have the engagement party, which is a topsy-turvy way of doing things.

First, the wedding in EastEnders (BBC1). A small-scale affair at the mosque with Darren and Jodie as witnesses.

Tamwar is fed up with people criticising his romance – notably his parents as Afria’s father is Zainab’s hated first husband – so decides to get wed.

Later when Tamwar’s gay brother finds Tamwar and Afia in bed together, he’s horrified they’ve slept together before marriage. So they have to tell him that it’s legal and they’ve wed before bed.

Then they have to tell the parents and the next day’s engagement do at the family’s Argee Bargee restaurant provides the ideal opportunity. Tamwar’s announcement brings the house down. Literally.

The dodgy roof collapses showering the assembled throng with debris, leaving poor Syed fighting for his life.

I suppose this sort of thing is only to be expected, weddings never go smoothly in Soapland. Especially double ones.

The cobbles in Coronation Street (ITV1) will be buried in confetti as Demonic David and Krafty Kylie prepare to tie the knot, closely followed by Graeme and Xin.

David’s mother Gail the hamster is against the wedding although considering her appalling record in the marriage stakes (a serial killer and insurance fiddler being among them), she’d do better to keep her nose out of it. But no, she bags up £1,000 and tries to buy off Kylie.

Some hope. It’ll take a lot more money than that. This is, after all, the woman who demanded £25,000 to sell her son to the McDonalds.

Kylie’s also got her dowry after David persuades gullible gran Audrey to sign over the hair salon to him. The bride is elated at the thought of free hairdos for life. The other happy couple aren’t so happy. Graeme is worried that he’ll be arrested, for what he’s doing is illegal. His marriage to Xin is a sham to enable her to stay in the country, a scheme cooked up with the assistance of her real girlfriend Tina.

But when Norris spots Graeme and Tina snogging, he realises they’re faking their break-up. Rita puts on her best fur hat and marches round to confront Graeme and Xin. So will the registrar get through the wedding ceremony before the cops arrive to march them away?

Sex not marriage is on Amy’s mind in Emmerdale (ITV1). This Geordie minx has taken a fancy to David Metcalfe, but he’s spoken for and, unlike most men in Soapland, fails to take up the offer of free nookie.

So Amy turns to local bad boy Cain Dingle, who’s feeling lonely since Charity dumped him. He gives her a lift before he has time to get into top gear, she’s getting flirty and fondling his gear stick.

Quick put the handbrake on their affair, it’ll end in tears – or a ditch.