NOT content with identity theft and sleeping with a pupil, teacher John Stape adds murder to his CV in Coronation Street (ITV1).

An accidental killing maybe but hey, he’s still got a body on his hands.

John was so desperate to return to the classroom after his spell inside that he stole someone else’s identity to enable him to get a job.

He has so much to teach imprisionable teenagers. Just ask the Webster girl that he slept with.

There’s nothing like a few practical biology lessons to get you to the top of the class.

The problem for John is that the man whose name he stole – Colin Fishwick – has returned and is demanding money with menaces to go away and keep quiet.

John tries to give him detention but that doesn’t work. A tussle ensues and Colin collapses. Unable to find a pulse, John assumes the worst and sets about hiding the body in Underworld knicker factory. Dressing Colin up in frilly undies and pretending he’s a dummy isn’t perhaps the best way to get rid of the body – as John understands.

He ropes in Charlotte, who’s up to her neck in the deception, to help out. Poor Colin is shoved in a wheelie bin (a wheelie silly idea, some might say because this is recycling week and domestic rubbish won’t be collected for a fortnight) with the idea of using Charlotte’s car to take the corpse away.

Alas, her key snaps in the lock and they’re forced to follow Plan B and hid the body at the Underworld site, currently under reconstruction.

John, of course, lives with Fiz whose brother Chesney is a big boy these days. Adolescent hormones and that sort of thing.

He’s now sweet 16 and his thoughts are turning to the opposite sex. Fiz organises a big birthday bash for Chesney – not at Macdonalds but Roy’s Rolls, what passes for the Rolls Royce of restaurants in Weatherfield.

John fails to turn up (being too busy dumping dead bodies) but Chesney doesn’t mind. He’s having a good time and is getting all soppy over Izzy. You can hear him now, “Izzy busy let’s get busy in the bedroom.”

While John is busy burying a body in Soapland, in Emmerdale (ITV1) a cadavre has been discovered in the woods. It belongs to bigamist Mark Wylde whom, you may recall, was blasted to kingdom come with a shotgun used by aggrieved wife Natasha.

It’s not Natasha who’s locked up in a prison cell, though. That’s Nathan which, if I’m being honest, I’m rather glad about. He’s a horrid little toad forever causing mischief.

He refuses to cooperate with the police which only serves to make him look even more guilty. Of course, his mother could just own up and get him out of jail free but that sort of thing never happens in Soapland where murderers go free all the time.

Look at psycho preacher Lucas in EastEnders (BBC1) although even he’s beginning to feel the strain of his killing tendencies.

He’s done in his wife and her ex along with a number of prostitutes.

Fill the Fug is fighting for his kids. Ben’s banged up inside, having displayed the violent behaviour of his father, and Louise’s mum Lisa wants her back.

When a social worker tells Fill the news, he’s not best pleased.

The bringer of the bad tidings would do well to duck and avoid that fist Fill is flinging towards him. There’s bad news at the detention centre too when they find Ben beaten black and blue. I feel sorry for Cal, the bully who delivered the beating, because Peggy the pint-sized prizefighter lays into him. Once she’s found a stool on which to stand to confront him face to face.