TODAY’S lunchtime special at Kaff’s Kaff is hot stuff. Very hot stuff. Hotter than that curry I had the other day at the Taj Mahal (the restaurant not the Indian monument). The food is flame-grilled, you might say, as the place goes up in flames in EastEnders (BBC1). It’s all the fault of Nasty Nick, or perhaps Old Nick is a better name considering his devilish deeds.

His plan to send mum Dot round the twist goes awry when daughter Dotty refuses to participate in the final stages of the evil plot to make out that granny Dot is losing her marbles.

Instead of drugging Dot’s food, Dotty puts the pills in dad Nick’s beer. He’s not best pleased, not to mention a little woozy, as his carefully laid plans unravel.

Among those holed up with Nick in the kaff are Bradley and the Branning girls, Lucy and Heather.

Everyone gets very hot under the collar when a chip pan is knocked and a towel catches fire. It’s like the towering inferno all over again – only not as tall. Boom-bang-abang.

The square is rocked by an explosion bigger than Fill the Fug losing his temper.

Who will survive the Kaff explosion? Surely this can’t be the end of Nasty Nick, who seems to have more lives than a cat. Sure enough, he may be trapped inside the blazing Kaff, but Bradley dashes back in to rescue him Fill the Fug’s mind is elsewhere.

So are his eyes after he bumps into Dawn wearing only a bra (she’s wearing the bra, not him). As she asks him for a job, I reckon she’s got a good chance of getting one.

And a job.

She installs herself behind the bar of the Queen Vic, much to the annoyance of Shirley, who hasn’t had her fill of Fill yet. So she welcomes Dawn to the Vic with the usual initiation ceremony – pouring a pint of beer over her head. Trouble behind the bar at the Rovers Return too in Coronation Street (ITV1). Manager Poppy decides long-time barmaid Betty, Miss Hotpot of 1924, isn’t pulling her weight. After weeks of aggravation, she sacks the long time pint-puller.

Betty doesn’t take the news well.

Steve McDonald is lucky she doesn’t throw one of her famous hotpots at him.

Weatherfield’s answer to Nasty Nick is Demonic David Platt. He’s at it again as he plots to gain revenge on Gary Windy-ass, whom he blames for the breakup with girlfriend Tina. The scheme is to frame Gary for burglary, using grandma Audrey’s empty house as bait. But David has reckoned without her father Ted being in the house. Finding an intruder is all to much for the old chap and he has a heart attack. Not quite the outcome David was hoping for.

A surprise too for schoolgirl Victoria in Emmerdale (ITV1). She gets arrested for shoplifting a handbag after pal and resident bad boy Aaron does a runner.

His reward for deserting her in her hour of need is swift and painful – a thwack round the face from Victoria.

Equally shocking, but far more pleasant, is what happens to Bob.

While wife Viv’s away in prison, Bob is running their kaff without even an explosion to spoil business.

But Gennie has been giving him funny looks. He may be old enough to be her father but there’s an attraction and they end up kissing.

I dream of Gennie being pulverised when Viv gets out.

And the result of the Emmerdale council election is announced. Eric Pollard, normally as devious as Nasty Nick or Demonic David on a good day, does the decent thing for once and lets son David win the election. Instead of canvassing, Pollard takes wife Val out for a nice meal which, like any politician, I expect he’ll put on his expenses.