THESE are blissfully exciting days for our little grand-daughter, Chloe.

Just turned five, she’s loving being a big schoolgirl, has made lots of new friends, and now she’s announced: “I’m going to be in the activity play!”

It didn’t take us too long to work out that it’s a nativity play, but she’s carrying on with her own description, and that’s perfectly fine by us.

Naturally, it brought back memories of her Daddy – our first-born – appearing in his first nativity play when he was at a pre-school play group all those years ago.

Christopher had proudly landed the part of a shepherd, so had to wear a Ladybird dressing gown, and a tea-towel on his head, held in place by one of his mum’s hairbands.

The Dad At Large archives show that his performance was over before it ever really got going. He toddled over to where we were sitting, plonked himself on his Mummy’s knee, flatly rejected all attempts to return him to his flock, whipped off his tea-towel, and wiped his nose in it.

We then watched together as one of the Wise Men was told by a teacher: “Go and give your gift to baby Jesus.”

He meandered recklessly across the stage, completely ignored Jesus – lying lifeless in a basket – and ran over to present it to our baby girl, Hannah, who was sitting on my knee.

Egged on by the laughter, the Wise Man then proceeded to rough up a donkey before dismantling the stable. Meanwhile, another shepherd manhandled a sheep and dragged him backstage, before an angel started sobbing, uncontrollably, into her wing.

Sadly, we won’t be privy to such joyous scenes nearly three decades on. Due to Covid-19 restrictions, audience numbers for Chloe’s activity play have to be kept down, so only her Mummy and Daddy will get to see in her in the spotlight.

Chloe had been hoping to be Mary but has been cast as a narrator instead and, of course, we’ve all told her what an important role that is. If she’s disappointed, she’s been putting a brave face on it, and working hard at learning her lines.

Meanwhile, she’s also been getting ready for the Christmas show at her dance school. “I’m going to be wearing a white tutu with sweetcorn on it,” she told us, with great excitement.

How very alternative, we thought. Perhaps it was the dance school’s way of promoting the health benefits of vegetables. Maybe other children would be dancing with broccoli florets stuck to their tutus, or might it even be a case of Strictly Corn Dancing?

All was revealed when Chloe’s Mummy and Daddy carried out further discreet checks.

It transpired that Chloe won’t be dancing in a tutu covered in sweetcorn after all. She meant sequins. Easy mistake to make.


MEGAN, aged four, was telling her grandma all about the gifts given to baby Jesus by the Three Wise Men.

“Well, what did the shepherds take?” asked the grandma.

The little girl thought a bit, then replied: “Was it pies?”

JOSH, aged, nine, had been learning about the capital cities of the world.

“What’s Istanbul the capital of?” he asked his mum.

She gave him the best clue she could think of: “We eat a lot of it at Christmas,” she replied.

“Greece!” he replied.

Well, I wouldn’t want to be invited for Christmas dinner in that house!

A GRANDMA was eavesdropping on her little grandson as he prayed at the top of his voice for a new bike for Christmas.

He was so loud, his big sister was moved to tell him: “God’s not deaf, you know!”

Quick as a flash, the boy replied: “No, but Nan is.”

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