I HAVE a shameful secret which I try to hide, every day.

Unfortunately, its very nature means it is impossible to keep concealed. You see, I'm quite stupid.

I stumble through life in a disorganised, ungainly mess, stumbling from one minor disaster to the next, wrapped up in my own daydreams, tripping over things, not thinking before I speak, barely noticing anything around me.

Before now, I have found my mobile phone in the fridge and a pack of butter in my handbag. My dishwasher flooded my entire kitchen floor with bubbles the other day because I put a laundry tablet in it by accident – it looked like an Ibiza foam party. And flatpack furniture is my particular nemesis.

My friends and family think it is funny, if intensely irritating at times. People I don’t know so well just sometimes gaze at me in utter shock and awe at my stupidity.

In my defence, I have some self awareness. If something goes wrong I'm usually likely to realise it was actually my fault for being a bit thick. So I'm stupid-with-a-little-self-awareness.

But there is another, more dangerous, camp. This is 'stupid-with-no-self-awareness-whatsoever'.

This week, 20-year-old Kylie Jarman, from Norfolk, took to Facebook. Facebook is the Bible for the lack of awareness brigade.

She posted a picture of a blackened and shrivelled £1.39 Sainsburys Basics Cottage Pie, after she had put it in the microwave for 45 minutes, complaining quite indignantly about Sainsbury's 'misleading' instructions.

To be honest I'm surprised she was still alive. That cottage pie probably contained more nuclear power than the reactor at Sellafield Power Station. The atoms in that mince must have been splitting all over the place.

Perhaps the radiation had affected her brain, as she posted a rant warning her friends against buying said cottage pie from Sainsbury's. Her friends were quick to point out her mistake, pointing out that the 45-minute instructions referred to an oven, not a microwave, before the trolls took over and the abuse began.

Speaking to The Sun later, she finally admitted her error but blamed the 'small writing' on the packaging. Sigh.

SPEAKING of rants, a video was doing the rounds yesterday of a retired couple being interviewed about the Tory leadership candidates.

Looking irritatingly indignant, and straight into the camera, the woman said: "What I want to know is, what are they going to do for old age pensioners?

"They give money to schools... but that doesn't affect us."

Damn that Government, giving money to schools, making sure the next generation is educated and able to fund those benefits for OAPs going into the future. Damn that Government for providing free bus travel, TV licences, prescriptions and a winter fuel allowance for the elderly.

Her husband didn't say a word but just grinned at the camera. He must have learned to keep quiet. He was saying with his eyes: "See? See what I have to put up with?" She seemed to have no awareness of her breathtaking selfishness. Democracy is a great institution, but not when people can't think outside their own sphere.