On TV

Pets Are People (BBC2)

Kidnap Ronnie Biggs (C4)

BEN is subject to dark moods and aggressive behaviour. He has a huge inferiority complex, resulting from the trauma of being born on a cold floor and his early deprived life.

Ben was also born with a tail which could, in some circumstances, inflict untold psychological harm on a child. In his case, though, this is perfectly okay as Ben is a dog.

He and his owner, Judy, give new meaning to the phrase "barking mad". I feel I need my head examined too for watching a programme in which a dog undergoes a course of alternative healing and has relaxation therapy to channel his energy in the right direction.

I wonder if ex-teacher Judy was able to cope with her pupils better than she dealt with Ben, whose serious attitude problem she was unable to alter. Rather than put an ASBO on him, she took him to alternative therapists Elaine and Sue.

Elaine is a right old Dr Dolittle. She talks to the animals. It's a two-way conversation. "I can hear them and they can hear me," she says. We could only hear Elaine as she asked Ben how he felt.

She wrote down Ben's replies ("woof, woof, woof" or something like that presumably) which reduced Judy to tears when she read the manuscript.

Sue concluded that Ben had an inferiority complex, prescribing pot-pourri of flower essences to help his condition, including one that's helpful for jealousy, sibling rivalry and deep anger. What a crazy mixed-up dog Ben was.

Judy wasn't satisfied. She looked for another therapist, after rejecting acupuncture, aromatherapy and behaviour counselling. She had to overcome her fear of driving on motorways to take the demented dog to a therapy and health farm for animals to meet Jacqueline. She was described as a "spiritual plumber". She unblocks the mind rather than waste pipes.

She used a photo of Ben to "channel a conversation". He told her that a shiastsu session "made me feel warm and fuzzy".

Ben alerted Judy to her lack of self-esteem, as though she was to blame for his bad behaviour. She described it as "quite a wake-up call what Ben has told me".

Both changed their behaviour for the better. Ben no longer wears a muzzle when he goes walkies. Neither does Judy.

The plan in the early 1980s to Kidnap Ronnie Biggs was pretty mad too, as a C4 documentary revealed. A group of ex-soldiers told how they plotted to bring the Great Train Robber back to the UK from his Brazilian hideout. They snatched him from a Rio restaurant, bundled him into a large canvas bag and stuck a label on the outside saying ANACONDA SNAKE - LIVE SPECIMEN.

They carried the bag through the airport to a private jet and flew out of Rio. Then they took him by yacht to Barbados.

But they didn't manage to get him back to England before the press arrived and Biggs was freed following a court case. The great escaper had escaped again.

East is East, Gala, Durham

HAVING started as a play then become a smash hit film, the brilliant work by Ayub Khan-Din returns to the stage for this Pilot Theatre production. No matter how good the film may have been, there's nothing better than seeing this story of an Asian family living in 1970s Salford played out live.

The plot is centred on George Khan, a dictatorial father who tries to bring up his children as if they were living in Pakistan. The trouble is they're not - and the more he tries to force his values down their throats, the more they rebel.

The cast, on tour from Pilot's base in York, are all excellent, with each member bringing their own dimension to the story. Marc Anwar amply fills the complex role of George, showing both his strength and his vulnerability, and is ably supported by Janys Chambers as his long-suffering wife Ella.

The couple's children, from Parka wearing weirdo Sajit to rebel Tariq, are highly entertaining with their constant squabbling and foul-mouthed wit. When they're faced with the spectre of arranged marriage, we see how each responds differently - and how this relates to their feelings of displacement and their separate conflicts with their father.

A simple set and striking music - both Asian and Western - enhance the story without getting in the way. Overall, a funny and truly satisfying play performed with aplomb.

l Runs until Saturday. Box office 0191-332 4041.

Sarah Foster

Sub Zero,

Middlesbrough Cineworld

MIDDLESBROUGH, sometime soon. The talk is of crime, anti-social behaviour and CCTV. A mayoral election and shady big business deals

are also part of the mix in this made in the North-East thriller.

Writer-director Ian Dowson's film could hardly be more topical although, in case you get the wrong idea, an opening credit states that this work of fiction "doesn't purport to represent any mayoral elections, political figures or political boundaries past or present".

What began as a community film project, developed with young people from Grangetown, has become something much more ambitious. The resulting smart and gripping thriller doesn't look like it was made of a budget of £27,500. It'll stand up well against the rest of the movies in the multiplex.

Teesside's industrial landscape makes a strikingly-photographed backcloth for this contemporary tale as would-be mayor Ronnie Lord canvasses on a policy of taking zero tolerance one step further - by tagging all young people and keeping them under surveillance 24 hours a day.

Running parallel is the romance between his daughter Sabrina and Carl, a lad from the other side of the tracks. A Romeo and Juliet for the Asbo generation as they're been dubbed.

The natural performances of the young actors blends well with the familiar professional North-East actors - including Deka Walmsley, Trevor Fox, Philippa Wilson and Bill Fellows - filling key adult roles.

Following last night's world premiere, Sub Zero is showing at Middlesbrough Cineworld until Thursday. Box office 0870 9070734.

Steve Pratt