On TV

The World's Biggest Penis (C4)

Rameses: Death Of The First Born (five)

THE knobs and knockers season on C4 continued by asking, "Breast is best, but for how long?".

The British have one of the worst records in the world for breastfeeding and the sight of a mother with her daughter of nearly eight at her breast will have done little in some people's eyes to advance the cause.

While many are squeamish about witnessing breastfeeding in public, seeing male genitalia - lots and lots during C4's three-night penisfest - appears much more acceptable. But The World's Biggest Penis was restricted by the rule forbidding showing an erect one on TV. Such sights were pixelated to beat the ban.

The arrival of the contraceptive pill was blamed for reducing the male member to a plaything and the internet for our obsession with size. Jonah Falcon's 13.5 inches gives him the world's biggest but has brought him little more than a certain freak show notoriety. Hollywood stars order him for their private parties like they do champagne and caviar.

Biggest isn't necessarily best. Being well-endowed causes physical and mental difficulties in relationships. Help is at hand from the Large Penis Support Group, which sounds like a joke but provides advice for men and dates for women who like big boys.

At 35, Jonah is viewed as "a trainwreck of a man" who lives with his mother and is an out-of-work actor seeking small roles - the narrator's words, not mine - in films and TV.

He's rejected offers to do porno films as he can't perform under pressure or when people are looking. The women in Extraordinary Breastfeeding don't mind getting out their breasts in public.

The World Health Organisation recommends breastfeeding until at least two, but believes it can be beneficial to do it longer. The film showed that breastfeeding can become addictive for both mother and child. Sophie Pritchard's twins only go to sleep on the breast and demand feeding every two hours, causing disruption for the rest of the family.

Veronika Robinson still gives the breast to daughter Eliza, nearly eight. The youngster isn't about to give it up easily. "I want breast milk, that's what I want," she said, stamping her foot.

For Rameses II, size mattered. This Egyptian pharaoh wanted to be the most mighty, the most glorious, his temples and statues the biggest. Rameses: Death Of The First Born followed Professor Kent Weeks, who's devoted his life to finding out about the tombs in the Valley of the Kings. Discovering a labyrinth of 120 tombs and a skull put him on the trail of Rameses and his dead eldest son.

His investigation tried to explain scientifically the plagues on Egypt mentioned in the book of Exodus. He discovered the cause of death of Rameses' son using modern police forensic methods. Their heads were reconstructed by computer. About the only thing we didn't learn was whether they were breastfed or had big willies.