WHETHER they are all backs, as a journalist originally described them, or All Blacks, as the misprint appeared, the New Zealand rugby team look as invincible now as they did on their first trip to these shores 100 years ago.

Some say the misprint occurred after their first match against Devon; in this neck of the woods we prefer to believe it happened in Hartlepool, where the Kiwis beat a Hartlepool Clubs XV 63-0 after a 16-3 triumph against the county team at Durham City.

They also beat Northumberland 31-0 at North Shields as a 27-man squad played 35 matches, losing only once, 3-0 to Wales at a late stage of the tour when injuries were taking their toll.

For those of us who have seen the All Blacks play at places like Bradford, Gateshead Stadium and Otley, on that unforgettable day in 1979 when people hung from trees to watch the North beat the illustrious visitors, it's a shame that they play only the national teams these days.

But if they can beat the Six Nations champions as resoundingly as last Saturday, contests against regional sides would be too one-sided to be meaningful.

They might not play in far-flung places, but at least a contingent went to Donegal this week, lucky beggars, to visit the birthplace of Dave Gallaher, captain of the 1905 touring party. They received quite a reception, apparently. Not that they need much excuse for a party in that part of the world.

The 41-3 win at Cardiff emphasised how far the All Blacks have moved on in the two years since the World Cup, making it all the more imperative that England start to show against Australia tomorrow that they have reversed their decline since becoming world champions.

THE England cricket team also have a big day tomorrow when they attempt to rekindle the intensity of their Ashes performances in Pakistan. As they were still winding down from their high-octane triumph against Australia it should be no surprise that they have flopped on the sub-continent in their warm-up matches.

The main concern is not whether they can switch from a laid-back approach to Test match mode, but whether they can survive the loss of their leader as Marcus Trescothick is no substitute. Perhaps the most interesting aspect of how England rise from the Ashes will be the performance of Kevin Pietersen, who has exhibited a footballer's liking for the celebrity lifestyle since his astonishing innings at the Oval.

The last sportsman to dabble with Caprice was Tony Adams and it didn't appear to do either him or Arsenal much good at the time. Pietersen has scored nine runs so far in Pakistan, so now it's a question of whether his ability to turn it on for the big occasion overcomes the dangers of believing he's god's gift to this country and to supermodels.

THE Ashes burned so brightly that whatever followed was bound to be an anti-climax, and the first evidence of that came with the West Indies' defeat by 379 runs by Australia at Brisbane. Shane Warne took the 33rd five-wicket haul of his Test career, but only needed to bowl two overs as the visitors capitulated for 127 in the second innings.

FOR Bolton to lie third in the Premiership would seem unthinkable were it not for the fact that Wigan are second. Lancashire has not known such heady times since 1973 when Southport, the team Wigan replaced in the Football League five years later, won the Fourth Division. Bolton won the third, Burnley the second and Liverpool the first.

So while Wigan gatecrash the Premiership in heart-warming style, the semi-pros of Southport languisb well down the Conference and drew 1-1 at home to Woking in the first round of the FA Cup on Saturday.

I SPENT a few days last week braving the elements on the Ayrshire coast, where the talk of Alex McLeish's troubles at Rangers was hugely overshadowed by the amused gossip about Vlad the Impaler.

Vladimir Romanov, the king of Hearts, was mentioned here two weeks ago, along with a plea to Sir Bobby Robson not to go and work for him. It seems that Sir Bobby was shocked by the sudden departure of the chief executive and the chairman, hot on the heels of George Burley's tenure as manager being terminated.

After describing Scottish football as less interesting than bog-snorkelling I'm now choking on the tangleweed as Hearts and Hibs are challenging the Glasgow giants, Vladimir has installed his baby-faced son, Roman, as chairman and Graham Rix as coach, with a Director of Football still to be appointed.

Rather like Brian Rix, king of farce, Graham was once caught with his trousers down, but he has taken the punishment and wishes to start with a clean slate. That's not so much the problem for Hearts fans as the fact that he barely lasted two minutes in his last two jobs, with Oxford and Portsmouth.

The bookies should offer odds on who will last the longer in his current role - Rix or Gazza as boss of Kettering