IF THE News of the World and its angry mob of followers really felt strongly about saving children's lives, shouldn't they be targeting those speeding drivers who kill hundreds of youngsters every year?

Half a dozen children are abducted and killed by strangers each year. That is obviously half a dozen too many. But a campaign to name and shame convicted paedophiles will only encourage them to move on and emerge elsewhere with a new identity. And it is unlikely to help many of the 90 per cent of abused children who suffer silently at the hands of family friends or relatives.

A campaign to reduce the speed limit to 20mph on residential roads doesn't make for good headlines, dramatic stories or increased circulation. But it would save many more children's lives. Which is, clearly, not what the News of the World campaign is about.

IN the Lake District at the weekend, we stayed at one of those awful hotels which calls itself grand - too grand for the likes of us as it turned out. After a day spent climbing and walking we returned for our evening meal and were told my husband couldn't eat unless he wore a jacket and a tie, which he didn't have with him.

After being directed to a cupboard full of spare clothing he appeared at the table, hot and uncomfortable, wearing a dark jacket and lurid purple swirly-patterned tie. All over the dining room, other men were similarly sweating it out in ill-fitting jackets and hideous ties. It looked like a scene from an old Norman Wisdom film. With Normans dotted all over the place.

The food appeared from under huge silver domes. People spoke in hushed tones. The menu was full of descriptions like 'pure of fresh garden peas' and 'jus' for fruit juice. When I asked our waitress what the raspberry Drambuie cranachan dessert was, she hit the nail on the head: "It's like a summer fruit coulis, with a sort of special sorbet - I suppose it's really like raspberry ice-cream, only more posher." Why couldn't they just put that on the menu?

BRITAIN'S young men are mummy's boys, living at home aged 30 and beyond. As the mother of four boys, this is worrying. Still, I should get some time to myself when I'm about 70 and they have homes and families of their own. In between minding the grandchildren, that is.

'NORTH Yorkshire is the first police force in Britain to establish a telephone helpline for homosexual officers," I read aloud from the paper. "Who would have thought it?" My mother-in-law, replied: "Well, you know what they say, there's nowt so queer as folk."

PICKING a friend up at Leeds Bradford Airport this week I passed a ride-on lawnmower shop with a huge sign outside saying 'No directions given'. I didn't have time to stop, but I am tempted to call in next time I'm passing to see what happens when I ask if I'm on the right road to the airport. Will they refuse to answer? Or tell me to go and get lost? I am sure they would hope that, should someone stop at a shop or garage further back to ask the way to the ride-on lawnmower centre, they find staff who are more courteous.

AT the airport, we had a coffee at O'Briens, which calls itself an 'Irish Sandwich Bar'. Apart from Celtic images on the wall, there was nothing remotely Irish about it. We had latte and cappuccino coffees from an Italian machine, and the sandwiches looked like sandwiches you get anywhere. Theme pubs, cafes and restaurants are bad enough. But isn't a theme establishment without a theme even worse