THE breakdown of the talks to control greenhouse gases, arguably the biggest threat to our planet, might have a bright side. It could undermine the on-line trading in emissions, which began last week even as the frantic efforts to save the planet began to founder.

Yes, in a money-making wheeze that would leave Sgt Bilko open-mouthed, those who put the accumulation of wealth at the forefront of human purpose, have detected an opportunity provided by our dying world. They've launched CO2e.com, an Internet market place which trades permits to pollute.

The brainchild of US financial services group Cantor Fitzgerald and accountants Pricewaterhouse Coopers, the new company will broker deals by which heavy polluters, industrial nations or big energy-consuming companies, will buy pollution quotas from countries that emit much less. As the chief executive of the new venture puts it: "This will become the market square for carbon finance."

Naturally, his company collects a commission on each deal. Unfortunately for CO2e, the big bucks would stem mainly from the proposal by the US, Canada and Japan for the world to designate its rainforests as "carbon sinks".

The Amazon and Congo would have a high anti-pollution value, blocks of which could be purchased by big polluters to balance their emissions.

How seriously the rejection of this idea by the global warming summit will hit CO2e remains to be seen. A dozen pollution transactions have already taken place, and a group of UK oil and gas companies is now discussing with our Government the possibility of trading in emissions.

The traders in the temple in Biblical days have thus now taken up a global stand. If there is a God up there, how do you suppose he views this commercial dealing over the now degraded and terminally-ill world He created for us?

TED Heath has announced he will not be accepting a seat in the House of Lords. I'm pleased to join Sir Ted in giving this assurance, that I shall be equally firm in rejecting a knighthood - like the one Sir Ted wasn't minded to refuse.

Our honours system is, of course, utterly irrational and largely pointless. Forgetting the routine political honours, like the peerage for ex-PMs, any lengthy period of public prominence, by footballers, actors, pop stars whatever, is almost bound to bring a gong. And for every lesser toiler handed out an MBE or OBE, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of equal worth.

Michael Parkinson hinted at a proper unease when accepting his CBE the other day. Observing that he had "done nothing more than walk down a few stairs and talk to people", he noted that others receiving awards had "saved lives or taught somebody". Still, the temptation for a big well-publicised moment at the palace proved irresistible.

I would scrap all state honours except those for courage and bravery, people risking, and sometimes giving, their lives for others. As well as recognising an act that commands universal admiration - in fact an act that makes the rest of us feel humble - this would have the very great merit of being absolutely democratic.

AT ONE time it would have been Kendal Mint Cake. But what is the item that mountaineer Sir Chris Bonington now never fails to pack for an expedition - and carry up the mountains? His lap top computer.

"Much of my travelling these days is for business presentations or leadership workshops, and as all my work is on file I have to take my computer everywhere I go," he explains.

Business presentations, leadership workshops, laptop computing. What better reasons to be out in the hills?

Ah, Wordsworth and Wainwright, thou shouldst be living at this glorious hour.