LIFE isn't always convenient - so a friend discovered on Monday in Redcar.

In a week with most authorities marking half-term, in Redcar the main public lavatories are closed for the winter. That's bad news for a lone adult; for an adult taking a family party for a jaunt that's a disaster.

What is it about Britain and conveniences? Last week we reported the threatened closure of several in villages on the North York moors. Northallerton and Thirsk, to name but two, have anguished on the subject in recent years.

Two thousand years ago, we note with pride and wonder, the Roman invaders brought with them central heating, entire buildings for baths, and latrines with running water. Historians call the period that followed the withdrawal of the Romans the Dark Ages. There are others who suggest we still haven't seen the light.

Ever noisier

THE bangs and the coloured stars last, maybe, 30 seconds and, from the regular and uniform repetitions since well before fireworks went on sale legally for November 5, must be sold as a unit.

That 30 seconds is enough to wake hard-to-settle children, send cats under the furniture and stir every dog in the parish to vocal protest, to say nothing of one poor mongrel which was still quivering days after demonstrations at 1am and 1.30am the same day had spooked him.

It may seem the perfect finale to a party but, unlike other party noise, the disturbance isn't limited to the immediate neighbours and the source isn't easily identifiable. Surely rockets didn't make such a noise in Spectator's young days and they still threw out a respectable display of "stars".

Stern stuff

SNOOKER matches, as any devotee of late-night television will know, demand utter silence lest the players' concentration be broken. Players of snooker's older relative, billiards, are obviously made of sterner stuff.

At Carlton Husthwaite village hall children were being taught how to keep to a rhythm, with the aid not only of a full drum kit and tom-toms but also of a waste paper bin and some empty paint tins. In the next room, a billiards match was taking place.

The billiards players were, the village news reports, "amazingly patient and made no complaint". Stout fellows