AT the beginning of the week we were fighting the flab, thanks to BBC1's Diet Trials, by Thursday the battle of the bulge was a sideshow.

I'm finding it difficult to be my usual flippant self concerning what's happening in Iraq, mainly because my daughter's boyfriend is with the troops in Kuwait. He left her a fleeting phone message on Wednesday and was then engulfed by the information blackout which has left hundreds of North-East families anxiously waiting for news.

A face from the past, DJ "Me" Mark Page, flashed up on BBC1 Look North to remind us that Catterick's Garrison Radio is broadcasting messages to those in the war zone, and providing some of the best work being done by the media at the moment. Having heard one war correspondent say he didn't know where he was, how many were with him and who was firing - but he'd been told to run the other way - you begin to realise that the all-seeing TV eye has to blink at some time.

My wife only endured the war coverage because it banished Thursday night's "Battle of Britain" Match Of The Day between Liverpool and Celtic to BBC2. As my daughter scans every picture shown of troop movements - "well he reckons a truck with him on has been shown" - it has come as an enormous relief that she's also fascinated with overweight Eamonn Holmes presenting an investigation into Britain's four main diet programmes.

My weight-watching wife was outraged. "How the hell can someone as fat as Eamonn Holmes pass comment on the efforts of 300 dieters? If anyone needs to lose weight, he does," she fumed. I think the idea is that chubby Eamonn is seen as a more sympathetic confidante than dreadfully-thin Davina or one of the crinkle-free Carols.

The first few shows have already added a battle of the sexes element with the majority of men being shown to lose weight much easier than the women. Dare I suggest that some people are too used to getting their own way? Anyway, the diets being studied are WeightWatchers, with a daily points tally for food; Rosemary Conley's eat carefully and exercise plan; SlimFast, where you replace meals with revolting-looking mike shakes and the Atkins Diet, which allows you to eat nothing but meat, fish, eggs, cheese, butter and cream.

Quite why many image-conscious celebs opt for Atkins, when the side-effects are bad breath and constipation, only Bernard Manning could probably explain. My favourite dieters have turned out to be Julia and Paul Barrett who initially appeared to snobby bon viveurs more interested in showing off their knowledge of continental cuisine than counting calories. But fiftysomething Julia turns out to have quite a wicked sense of humour, which she'll need if she's honest about returning to the sex siren shape of her twenties.

Thankfully, unless war correspondents intervene, My Family (BBC1) was set to return last night with youngest son Michael deciding that the Army cadets are about to solve all his problems with two wayward parents. "The Army is all the mother and father I need," he reassures dad Ben and mum Susan. Send for Mark Page.

Published: 22/03/2003