Highest Bidder (BBC2): Masters And Servants (C4): Infamous Fives (C4): THE Duke of Windsor had an awful lot of possessions considering he was the man who was supposed to have given up everything for the love of a woman.

A massive 40,000 items from his home came up for auction at Sothebys in New York in 1998 and Highest Bidder talked to royal shopaholics who purchased them.

Queues for the pre-sale exhibition snaked round the block, proving that Americans are suckers for anything royal. Bidding during the sale, which went on for days, was equally mad.

Conceptual artist Benjamin Yim paid $29,000 for a piece of the Windsors' wedding cake - not through hunger but because he thought it could be a work of art. Even the shorts worn by the Duke when he met Hitler found a buyer for $2,587. The phrase "more money than sense" springs to mind.

I couldn't help thinking what fun it would have been to get the Windsors to wait hand-and-foot on commoners in Masters And Servants, a reality TV series in the style of Wife Swap. On reflection, I doubt it would have been more entertaining that watching the Allen-Stevens and the Nutleys play Upstairs, Downstairs.

Two families must take it in turns to be masters and servants. The knack is to chose incompatible couples to ensure tears and tantrums.

Tom and Cheryl Allen-Stevens live in an eight-bedroom country mansion. He's a gentleman farmer, she's a homemaker. Kevin and Mandy Nutley live in a cluttered semi-detached with their three children. He manages the fresh fruit section in Tesco, while she's in charge of checkouts.

First in the butler and maid uniforms were the Nutleys, along with their daughter and two troublesome sons. They were expected to prepare three meals a day, clean 22 rooms, and organise a children's party and a dinner party. While they generally coped well with 15-hour days and an Aga that went cold as Mandy was cooking for dinner guests, an air of discontent hung in the air.

Cheryl gave praise when due but was appalled at the smell in the guest wing where the untidy Nutleys were staying, and complained that the boys were shirking their duties. It was a good job she didn't hear one comment that "she must be pretty active in bed because she has four kids".

Mandy was put out that Cheryl insinuated they were "dirty people" after inspecting their quarters. Cheryl thought the Nutleys' handling of the dinner party was "flawless", adding: "It's quite sweet being served from the wrong side".

It all went horribly wrong when Tom and Cheryl became servants. Her passion for housework suddenly disappeared under Kevin's harsh regime as he brought his supermarket experience to bear on the home help.

Ordering Cheryl to run him a bath after criticising her housework was the last straw. She walked out, claiming that Kevin was being vindictive. She said, quite rightly, that she was a good master but a rotten servant.

Infamous Five was about dirty people as it rehashed "the seedy sex lives of the rich and randy". Eddie Murphy, Charlie Sheen, Jerry Springer, Jamie Theakston and Jimmy Swaggart won't thank the makers for reminding viewers of their indiscretions with prostitutes.

Apart from providing further embarrassment for famous people, there seemed no point to this series. But I did like Murphy's excuse for picking up a transsexual prostitute in his car in the early hours of the morning - he said he was being a Good Samaritan. Nice to know that even the rich and famous have a heart.