Big Brother (C4)

Sexual Intelligence (C4)

9/11 - The Plane That Hit The Tower: The True Story (five)

MAXWELL the geezer hit the nail on the head with his observation the morning after arriving in the Big Brother house.

I paraphrase his words as his expletive-packed language is so colourful that it makers Gordon Ramsay sound like the Archbishop of Canterbury. Maxwell said that when he woke up and the fella in the next bed was screaming that he couldn't find his stilettos, then he knew he was "in a nuthouse."

Welcome to Big Brother 6, an object lesson in selecting the right kind of contestants for a reality show. When the first walked through the door - he was black, gay, master of the hounds and wrote speeches for Margaret Thatcher - you felt confident that researchers had done their work well and found a good mix of people to lock up for 11 weeks.

How very different to snooze-worthy Celebrity Love Island - or I'm Not A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here Rich And Famous as I like to think of it - which continues to be a waste of space. Here, the calculated behaviour of Rebecca Loos and Abi Titmuss, two women notorious not so much for what they've done but who they've done it with (allegedly), continues to bore the pants off viewers - if not the other castaways as the makers had hoped.

Ship Mary the white witch, slimy Roberto and Lesley in her shiny nurse's uniform from the Big Brother house to the island. That would spice things up. Sex And The City's Kim Cattrall would be good company too, I suspect. "Let's talk about sex," she said, introducing Sexual Intelligence.

This was an excuse for her to travel the world talking dirty on various exotic locations - and Dorset, where she danced on the hills just like Julie Andrews did in The Sound Of Music. Except Ms Andrews didn't prance around a giant naked man with a 26ft erection carved into the hillside.

The author of The Book Of The Penis - which, as far as I know, isn't on the A-level English Literature syllabus - wondered whether size and shape mattered. Kim showed us phallic-shaped objects, everything from oil lamps to doorstops, with which the Romans filled their palaces.

The word genitals was "not such a pretty word", someone suggested before offering the opinion that vulva sounds "like a well-built German car".

As well as Cattrall, we heard from the public about their sex lives. One man had achieved complete satisfaction. "I've found that apart from being my soul mate, she's a nymphomaniac," he said.

After all the frivolity, 9/11 - The Plane That Hit The Tower was a sobering documentary, the most detailed reconstruction yet of the last hour aboard the first plane that crashed into the World Trade Centre's North Tower.

We learnt how flight attendants, despite the crisis on board, relayed important information about the hijackers to ground control as the aircraft headed on its bumpy course towards New York City. The action cut back and forth between crew and hijackers on Flight 11 and the control tower as interviews with relatives of the captain and flight crew in reality TV of a very different kind.