'Fostering has given me a real purpose in life that I'm passionate about'

That is true for Sandra Timlin, a 64-year-old who’s been fostering children with Durham for more than 18 years and currently has two teenage boys living with her.

“The love I feel for those boys is what keeps me going through the tough days – and there are tough days,” said Sandra. “When you see how much this home means to them, or hear about them doing well at school and on training courses, it reminds you why you keep going.”

Sandra first started fostering when her own son was a young teenager, after attempts to have more children hadn’t been successful.

Her first placement was a boy with complex learning difficulties who lived with Sandra and her husband, Terry, for nine years. Since then she has fostered a further five children, including Adam and his 18-year-old brother, Zach – who is still with the family on a long-term arrangement – and 16-year-old Ross, their most recent foster child.

“I really enjoy fostering teenagers,” said Sandra. “You hear of people who just want to foster babies, but that wouldn’t be for me at all. You can talk to a teenager and reason with them. You might not always get the response you’re looking for, but you can discuss the issue and usually come to a compromise.

“Don’t get me wrong, the challenges they pose can be really difficult at times and we’ve had our fair share of waiting up for them to come home.

“Every parent has moments when they find it hard, whether it’s your own child or a foster child. You face the challenges, find a way to work things through and keep going because you love them. It’s as simple as that.”

When brothers Adam and Zach came to live with Sandra and her family, they were just seven and three years old. Sandra recalls the day they arrived: “These two little boys came in and they were cheeky and into everything. They’d just arrived when Adam went off rooting in the cupboards and came back with chocolate all over his face. I remember feeling so much love for them both.”

Both boys still had regular contact with their mum and while Adam went back to live with her after some years, younger brother Zach stayed with Sandra and is still there today on what is called a ‘staying put’ arrangement which enables foster children to remain with their carers after they’re 18.

Sandra and her family still stay in touch with Adam and their other foster children, so as you can imagine, their house can get very busy.

“They all pile into the living room here with their friends and now their girlfriends too,” said Sandra. “It’s lovely because we enjoy seeing them and hearing how they’re getting on. It’s lovely that they all like to keep in touch with each other as well. Essentially fostering has given us all a really big family!”

Being part of Durham’s fostering family is one of many reasons why so many people choose to foster with Durham County Council. The support groups, advice and training on offer is something many, including Sandra, value highly.

“If you had seen me 20 years ago, I was a different person,” she said. “I had very little confidence and always tried to keep everyone else happy, without thinking about what it was that I needed or wanted. “I wasn’t very academic and even though I did well as a hairdresser, I felt I wasn’t as good as others who had done well at school. Now, thanks to the training courses Durham offer, my confidence has grown so much. I’ve done a Level 3 NVQ and even went back to college – all thanks to the support and training of the fostering service at Durham.”

Sandra is a huge advocate of fostering with Durham and shares her experiences with those who are considering becoming foster carers in the future. She attends some of Durham’s informal drop-in information sessions to talk about her experiences and tell others why she keeps fostering.

“I sometimes tell people I love the fact that as a foster carer I am providing the love and stability these young people so badly need,” she said. “But it’s so much more than that. Fostering with Durham has given me a profession and real purpose in life that I’m passionate about. That might sound selfish, but it’s true.

“I’m also really proud of what my boys have achieved, despite everything life has thrown at them. They’re doing well, working hard and that’s a reward for us in itself.

“One of our boys was at a family wedding with us recently when he turned round to me and said: ‘I absolutely adore you, Mam’.

“He never calls me Mam, but it’s moments like that when you realise these boys are feeling so much more than they’re saying, and that sometimes the things you’re doing are having a positive impact on them.

“Moments like those are precious for me.”

• The names of foster children have been changed for identity protection purposes.

MEET THE FOSTERING TEAM MANAGER: FLORENCE COULTER

FLORENCE has been with Durham for more than 20 years. Together, she and her team have more than 100 years’ experience of working in fostering and are passionate about making a difference in children’s lives.

“Working in fostering you see and hear some of the most heartbreaking and heartwarming stories you can imagine,” said Florence.

“Some of the children we care for have lived through so much in their young lives, yet with the love and care of our foster families they can go on to become happy, successful young adults.

“It can be a real challenge to find loving homes for groups of brothers and sisters, or teenagers, and we are always particularly keen to hear from people who would like to care for these young people.

“Keeping brothers and sisters together is so important for them as they are often a real support to each other.

“Many of our carers who look after teenagers tell us that caring for them is fun, keeps them young at heart, and is life changing, not just for the carer but also the young person.

“If you’re interested in fostering with us we would love to chat with you.

 “My team is here to support and guide you each step of the way to ensure you feel you’re ready to open your home and heart to a child who needs it.

“Pop along to any of our information sessions and find out more. We want local people to care for local children…and this could be the start of a new and rewarding chapter of your life.”

YOUR FOSTERING QUESTIONS ANSWERED

There is no such thing as a typical foster carer. Our foster carers come from all backgrounds and different cultures, and bring with them a wide range of life and work experiences. However, the one thing they all have in common is a passion for making a difference and offering children from our county a brighter future. If you’re considering fostering you might find that the questions and answers below provide some of the information you need...

Am I too old?

Age has been described as just a number, and that’s what we believe! What matters is that you’re fit and able to care for any child you foster. No matter your age, you can make a huge difference to the lives of the children who need it.

Can I foster if I’m single?

You can be single, married or live with your partner. We just need to know your situation is stable.

Is my sexuality important? A person’s sexual orientation or gender identity has no bearing on their ability to provide a loving home for a foster child.

Do I need to own my own home? No, you can live in rented accommodation, but this needs to be secure so you can provide stability for the children in your care.

Can I foster if I have  children of my own?

Some of our foster carers have their own children, some don’t. We usually suggest there is a two-year age gap between the foster child and your own children.

Can I afford to be a foster carer?

Our carers get a competitive financial package made up of a fostering fee and allowances which vary depending on your experience and the age of the children you foster. We also offer boosts at expensive times of the year such as Christmas and the school summer holidays.

WHY FOSTER WITH DURHAM COUNTY COUNCIL?

WE ARE a long established, experienced service and one of the largest local authorities in the North-East. As a result we have many children from babies to teenagers, including brothers and sisters, who need a foster family in County Durham.

When you become a foster carer with Durham County Council you get access to the kind of wrap-around support that only your local council can offer you.

This includes:

• A dedicated fostering team, including your own social worker to support you in caring for foster children and an emergency duty team which is on hand if a difficult situation arises out of working hours;
• Training, including help to prepare you to become a foster carer and the opportunity to meet experienced foster carers and young people who have been fostered. We also have a comprehensive annual training programme to help develop your skills to meet the needs of foster children;
• A competitive financial package made up of a fostering fee and allowances, including a little extra at expensive times of the year such as Christmas and the school summer holidays;
• First-class therapeutic support to care for the emotional needs of you and the children you foster. This first-class team is unique to us and offers an unrivalled service that’s highly valued by our carers and is the envy of many fostering agencies;
• Health and education advice from both a team of nurses who all have specialist knowledge of the health needs of foster children and from dedicated education professionals who offer individual support as foster children progress through education, helping them to reach their full potential;
• Support groups. We understand the importance of peer support for our carers and have seven support groups based throughout County Durham. There is always somewhere local you can go to meet other foster carers and keep up to date. We also know our foster carers enjoy getting together so we organise family fun activities with our service throughout the year.
• A whole family approach which doesn’t just support you and your foster children. We think your own children are really important, too, so we offer a fun introductory day for them before you become a foster family. We also provide activities such as climbing, bowling, ceramic painting and more, especially for them, where they have the opportunity to meet other children whose parents foster;
• Recognising achievements. Every year we hold our fostering awards ceremony to celebrate the achievements of you as a carer and of your children.

There are other benefits, too. Alongside our own support we provide attractive discounts on a range of family activities at venues including our leisure centres, Adventure Valley, the Durham Climbing Centre, Tweddle Children’s Farm, Planet Leisure and the Centre for Life.

• Want to find out more? Call us on 03000 269 400 or visit durham.gov.uk/fostering