MARJOLAINE Ryley, a senior lecturer in photography at the University of Sunderland, has been nominated for the Royal Photographic Society’s One Hundred Heroines: Celebrating Women in Photography Today competition to mark the centenary year of women’s suffrage in the UK.

Marjolaine’s collection of work 'The Thin Blue Line, The Deep Red Sea' charts her journey through several miscarriages.

I HAD just turned 33 when my partner and I started trying for a baby and we were so excited about the journey we were embarking upon. I became pregnant after about four months and we were absolutely delighted. I will never forget the butterflies in the tummy feeling of seeing those first positive pregnancy tests.

"I started bleeding at just over six weeks and was in a lot of pain. I went to the hospital where I was examined and given hope that it was not all over by several medical staff. Later I was seen by a doctor who asked me how I felt. I replied that I felt pregnant as I had strong symptoms. She then informed me the test was now negative. I was confused and devastated. The next day I miscarried the pregnancy very painfully at home on my own. This was a very frightening experience and one of the worst of my life, as I had had no idea what to expect.

"Worse than the physical pain were some of the comments by family members: ‘You should wait until you’re married’; ‘Oh, you’re trying for a baby?’; ‘It’s like a late period’. No it’s really not, actually. All I wanted to hear was a simple ‘I’m sorry for your loss’.

"I picked myself up and after a break my partner and I decided to try again. We were engaged by now and had booked our wedding for April 2008. We didn’t want to wait as having a baby was the most important thing to us and I had no problem getting married with a bump. Three months later I found out I was pregnant again and though delighted this time felt a sense of underlying anxiety about what might happen. My worst fears were realised and I started bleeding again at six weeks. It was Easter and the Early Pregnancy Assessment Clinic (EPAC) ward was shut and as I had severe pain and so my partner took me to A&E. This time a very kind doctor looked me straight in the eyes and told me I was almost certainly having a miscarriage. She also told us most couples still go on to have healthy babies – words we really needed to hear.

"I miscarried the pregnancy ten days before our wedding. Determined to be strong, we focused all our energy on our wedding, which was lovely. In many ways the experience of miscarriage had made us closer, though I knew it was not quite the same for my husband.

"We began trying again straight away, but over the summer I became very low. I think, looking back, I was grieving rather than feeling depressed. I read all the leaflets the Miscarriage Association had available and began educating myself about the causes of miscarriage. I found it helpful hearing the stories of other women and couples. Eventually I asked my GP for a referral and talked to a lovely counsellor. It felt like such a relief to be able to tell somebody that, to me, I had lost two babies – though others might not see it like that. I also found it very hard that both my sisters-in-law were pregnant with twins at that time – though happy for them it did feel like Mother Nature could be especially cruel.

"I became pregnant after about five months. Despite my anxiety, my pregnancy progressed and at six weeks I got to see my baby’s heartbeat and was given a tick in the viable box on my form. My daughter was born by emergency C-section in 2009, two weeks past my due date.

"As an only child myself I had always hoped to have two children and when my daughter was 13 months old, we started trying again. I miscarried three more times, the last in December 2011, just before Christmas. I remember holding my daughter tightly, sitting at a Christmas film in the cinema feeling so sad, but also so lucky to have her. In Spring 2012, I was seen at St Mary’s recurrent miscarriage clinic in London. This was a turning point for us. Within two weeks I had a diagnosis for antiphospholipid syndrome, a blood clotting disorder, and we had a treatment plan in place. It was a huge relief to have some explanation at last.

"My final pregnancy began in May 2012 and I was treated with baby aspirin and had to inject myself every day with a blood-thinning drug. My pregnancy was high risk and not without its share of drama, but with support from St Mary’s and my local hospital, in 2013 my son was born at 29 weeks.

Each of my miscarriages, though all quite early on, have been life-altering events and at times it was very hard to cope with the rollercoaster of pregnancy and loss. I would not have got through it without the support of the Miscarriage Association who provided a lifeline both in terms of vital information and a friendly supportive forum. As an artist, I was also able to use my photography and creative writing as an outlet to explore experiences of pregnancy loss and was happy to work as artist in residence at the MA creating The Thin Blue Line, The Deep Red Sea in 2014.

"I hope that my talking about pregnancy loss goes some small way to raising awareness of this important, often misunderstood, and sometimes taboo subject.”