PREPARE for Soapland's wedding of the year, another of those 'here comes the bride, whoops no there goes the bride' occasions with more will they, won't they make it to the altar suspense than a Hitchcock movie.

Even the guests are playing hard to get in Coronation Street (ITV1) as lovebirds Sarah and Jason prepare to plight their troth (which is legal as long as there's not a full moon) in Weatherfield's wedding of the year.

Sarah has had a chequered love life what with getting pregnant while still at school (although she did get top marks in biology) and then moving in with Todd, who turned out to be gay but not before he got her pregnant. Now she's with builder Jason Grimshaw, someone who certainly knows how thick two short planks are. But their mothers, Gail the hamster and Eileen the bull in the china shop, disapprove of the union and they're as adamant as Adam they won't go to the wedding. That can only mean one thing - they'll change their minds and have a last minute dash to the ceremony.

Whether the couple do get married is still doubtful as we all know that Soapland weddings have a habit of turning into war zones. This one has the added disadvantage of Charlie, the builder with the big toolbox, as best man. He's taught Jason everything he knows. How to mend a burst pipe, how to fit a new door and how to cheat on women.

While girlfriend Tracy is away, Charlie means to play with Maria, a girl whose love life is as stable as the Middle East situation. He's a crafty chap, Charlie. As Maria's landlord, he has a key to her flat and takes the opportunitiy to remove a couple of fuses. The distraught girl, home alone with no electricity, calls Charlie to come and fiddle with her fuse box. Later on, he takes a washer off her tap, causing her to avail herself of his plumbing services. The things Charlie can do with his plunger are quite astounding. Maria pays the price the next morning when she wakes up and finds Charlie next to her. How could she sleep with a mate's fella?. Quite easily in Maria's case. But who's this coming back early from her trip away? Why, it's Tracy. Quick Charlie, get your trousers on and slip out of Maria's back way quickly. Homeless Craig is still squatting, which is what happens when you don't follow a healthy five-a-day plan. Roy and Hayley take pity and offer him a roof over his head.

Over in Walford, Bradley is also homeless in EastEnders (BBC1) after being thrown out by Jim. He's forced to move in with his dad although his mother Rachel is reluctant to let go of the reins. Some mothers do 'ave 'em. Take Pauline. (Please, take Pauline a long way away from the Square). Son Martin, formerly the tallest man in soap, has to put up with her interfering in his on-going dispute with estranged wife Sonia. It would take all the powers of the UN and a loaded gun combined to sway Pauline into letting Sonia see Rebecca, the daughter she gave away.

Martin and Pauline fall out over how to handle the situation. Perhaps he should go with Gormless Garry on a dating-in-the-dark night at Scarlet, the nightclub from hell. This is probably the only way Garry will ever get a date, although he needs to go on a dating-in-silence night too because as soon as he opens his mouth he puts his foot in it.

Cain is released on bail in Emmerdale (ITV1) after admitting to helping dying Alice on her way. It appears that Sadie the bitchy lady has put up the money but wants him to help her stuff the Kings in return.

At the Woolpack, Diane opens her big mouth and lets slip to Louise's copper boyfriend Martin that Louise killed one of her former lovers. He needed to be warned. Louise's love have a habit of ending up six feet under. Talking of funerals, Alice is finally buried. And she doesn't go quietly. The Bishop plays a tape recording she made before her death.

And, oh yes, Jo seduces married Handy Andy. Twice. Once looks like carelessness, twice looks like she's a brazen hussy.