THE daddy of all paternity cases continues to cause ructions throughout the community in Emmerdale (ITV1). Head of the Sharma clan, Rishi, saying he was the father of baby Archie was never going to end the matter.

It may have put Charity off the scent that her husband (and Rishi’s son), Jai, is the daddy – the result of a drunken one night stand with Rachel – but she’s gonna find out one day.

The (false) admission was made from Rishi with love, but it certainly hasn’t endeared him to his other children who don’t like their father seemingly enjoying himself more than them.

His daughter, Priya, doesn’t want a new little brother. Even Rishi offering to buy her a shop as a wedding present does nothing to assuage her feelings. Well, it is only a local shop, not Harrods. Buying her that emporium would have stopped her grizzling.

When she spots Rachel in the street, the pair start slapping each other (no jokes about slappers, please). Rachel is making a habit of punching people, having decked Megan the other week.

Alicia, not long out of jail, where she served time for punching Val, tries to break up the fight but is warned by David not to get involved because she’ll be breaking her parole conditions, Seeing David concerned about ex-wife Alicia upsets Priya, David’s soon-to-be-bride, even more.

She feels betrayed and calls off the wedding that’s been organised by Alicia in her role as Home Farm’s wedding planner.

Now that David is free of Priya, will he tell Alicia how he really feels? Probably not, that would be too simple.

If Alfie Moon and Roxy the Doxy manage to produce a child, it will surely to join the long list – very long list – of Soapland offspring with warring parents engaged in lengthy tug-of-love negotiations.

At the moment in EastEnders (BBC1) they’re said to be “trying for a baby” which roughly translated means they’re at it like rabbits day and night in the hope they’ll make a new Moon.

But, hold on, here comes the cow who jumped over the moon. It’s Kat, Alfie’s ex who’s been battling him for custody of her son. Kat and Roxy do not get along, but when Alfie leaves Roxy in charge of the Vic, it’s Kat who comes to her rescue. She sees a dodgy workman heading for the Vic with more than half of shandy on his mind.

This is the same man she’d seen trying to dip his fingers in the pub’s till, which is bad, but there are far worse things he could have dipped his fingers into. Kat bursts into the pub just as the builder is trying to force Roxy to open the safe and, using her tongue rather than her fists, convinces the robber to push off.

At first, Roxy is grateful, then wonders if she hasn’t been set up and it’s all a ploy to win back Alfie.

Talking of babies, there’s an awkward moment in Coronation Street (ITV1) when a thrilled David insists brother Nick Nick feels his pregnant Kylie’s baby kick. Little does he know that the baby might be Nick’s. Poor Kylie isn’t sure if David or Nick is the daddy.

But hairstylist David, the demon barber of Weatherfield, is so tired there’s little chance of him noticing the nervous tension between his brother and wife.

He’s so knackered that he accidentally snips Dennis’ ear at work. The hair salon looks like it was used for that ear-cutting scene in Reservoir Dogs.