Gary Brown is leaving Darlington as he wishes to spend more time with his family. Deputy Sports Editor Craig Stoddart spoke to him about how difficult he found it making the decision to quit Quakers

AFTER three years as captain Gary Brown admits he was fighting back tears when he informed Darlington that he wishes to leave for the sake of his young family, and revealed his tug-of-love between home life and Quakers had even began to affect him during games.

Darlington’s talismanic and charismatic captain revealed his decision shortly after last Friday’s friendly at Gateshead, informing assistant manager Brian Atkinson while in the changing room at the International Stadium.

Team-mate Graeme Armstrong pleaded with him to mull over it, to give himself some time, but unbeknown to anyone outside the family Brown has been dealing with conflicting emotions for months – “fighting it,” he says - and he’d finally come to a conclusion.

“After the Gateshead game I was sat slumped with my shirt over my head,” he explained. “Army came over and asked what the problem was. He said to have a think about it, but it was not some overnight thing, I’d been thinking about it for months.

“After I got out of the shower I told Brian and I was filling up and close to tears.

“I’ve loved playing for Darlington. I’d wake up in the morning and think ‘I’m a Darlington footballer’, and that’s been every day for three years. At other clubs you go from game to game, but playing for Darlington has been a big part of my life.”

He has been one of the first names on Martin Gray’s team sheet and a fans’ favourite for his never-say-die approach, epitomising the club’s fighting spiriting during this new era for Darlington.

As they attempt to recover from being plunged into the depths of non-league in 2012, Brown has made 101 appearances and skippered the team to two promotions in three seasons, kick-starting their aim to return to full-time football.

He enjoyed being part of the ride and wanted to “stay for life”, but his situation has changed. Last week he and girlfriend Aimee welcomed their second daughter, so now it’s time to say goodbye to Darlington.

“I used to think ‘I’m here for life or until Martin doesn’t want me’. But as soon as the first baby came along 18 months ago everything changed. It’s changed my whole mindset,” said Brown, from Brandon, who is a heating engineer by trade.

“Once they get to one-year-old they start to get a bit of character about them and they know what’s going on. She knew when she saw me with my tracksuit on that I was going to an away game and that meant she wouldn’t see me again until the next day. She’d start crying and throw herself to the floor. I’ve spent some lonely hours on the road to and from midweek away games.

“It’s just been bugging away at me. It’s the hardest decision I’ve had to make in my life. It started to affect the way I felt during games, it was a weight on my shoulders. Sometimes there’d be a break in play and I’d end up thinking about it, and then I wouldn’t have my head on the game.”

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Aimee gave birth to Esmèe Bea Clarkson last Wednesday. Brown added: “I spoke at length to my girlfriend about it. She’s always been supportive and knows I love my football, she said she wasn’t going to stand in my way or make any decisions.

“I’ve been trying to fight it. Last season I was thinking ‘right, let’s get the job done and get promoted, then I’ll have the summer with my little girl’. But the issue has been getting the better of me when we’ve come back for pre-season. I’ve had all the same feelings again and it was only going to get worse.”

Having been promoted in May, in the Evo-Stik Premier Division Darlington will spend more time on the road, travelling to the West Midlands, Lincolnshire, Derbyshire and even to Colwyn Bay in North Wales. The Northern League it certainly isn’t.

Brown added: “It’s different for full-time footballers because they train in the morning and can then see their kids for the rest of the day. Sometimes I would leave the house for work at 6am and if we had an away game that night I would not get back to the house until 2am in the next morning.”

Gray is likely to bring in a recognised right-back. Brown filled in on the flank last season, chipping in with a number of assists and never complained about not being in his favoured centre-back position.

“I don’t know any different, I’ve always given 100 per cent no matter what,” said Brown, who even had a few minutes in goal after Peter Jameson had been sent off at Lancaster.

“I’ve always been like that and it’s helped me get through a lot of things.

“It’s only fair that I tell Martin now, at least he’ll have a chance of bringing someone else in before the season starts.

“Martin has been brilliant for me. His words about me in the Echo the other day had me bubbling. He’s said he won’t price me out of a move and he’ll do everything that he can for me. I can’t give him enough praise, he’s been an absolute pleasure to work under and he’ll be a friend for life.

“I want to thank all the coaching staff, the fans, the players I’ve played with and Martin for the opportunity. He’s been unbelievable for me, and I want to thank him for bringing me to the club.”

If he leaves before the first league game on August 15, Brown’s final competitive match will have been the play-off final win over Bamber Bridge in May, just short of three years since he joined the club on trial after leaving Durham City.

His next club is not yet known, but it will be in Northern League where winning the title at the end of the 2012-13 season with Quakers meant so much.

“I’ll never forget lifting that Northern League trophy on that night,” he added. “I loved the fact that everyone doubted us, but we blew everybody away. Everyone has doubted us and knocked all along, so picking that trophy up was brilliant.

“The play-off games against Spennymoor and Bamber Bridge were highlights, but so was every game I played.”

He hopes to play one final game for Darlington, who have two pre-season matches at Heritage Park to come against York City (July 27) and Bishop Auckland (August 4), as well as fixtures at Harrogate RA, Whitby and Spennymoor.

“I’m still going to go to training and I’m still going to be available for games,” added Brown. “I’ve told Martin he’ll get everything out of me in training and in games still.

“I’d love to play another home game before I go, just to thank everybody. But it depends on how quickly things get sorted. I’d like a chance to say thank you to everybody because I’ve loved every minute at Darlington.

“I’ll still be a fan, I want the club to do well and I’ll be in the Tin Shed when I can. I always kept an eye on their results anyway after I’d been in the school of excellence as a kid, and now I’ll be a Darlo fan for life.”

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