Comment

HUNGERFORD'S a town of 6,000 or so on the River Dun in Berkshire.

Among notable former residents are the singer Will Young, the highwayman Robert Snooks - the last of his calling to be hanged - and someone called Ivarr the Boneless, a long-gone Danish invader.

Google-eyed, we discover that none knows how Ivarr came by his supple soubriquet, though it is suggested that the old warrior may have been double jointed, suffered from Marian syndrome or "simply been tall and gangly."

This may or may not be termed putting flesh upon the Boneless.

It's among the most attractive of towns and, quite likely, among the most affluent.

Whitley Bay, somewhat strangely known as the Seahorses, visited on Saturday in the quarter-final of the FA Carlsberg Vase.

While no doubt they would have liked to have been beside the seaside, if you have to be away in the quarter-final, there are very much worse places to be than Hungerford.

Anticipating the match, the Newbury Weekly News suggested that Whitley Bay manager Ian Chandler shared Kevin Keegan's "You score three, we'll score four"

philosophy.

Only the cynical would have observed that the Mags haven't scored four, in total, since the Messiah returned.

The Vase is the most admirable and most convivial of competitions, Fison's for football's grass roots, games where a feller can still leave his bike inside the ground with the reasonable expectation that it'll be intact and inflated at the final whistle.

Even more than most, season 2007-08 has offered a merry waltz - a floral dance - around the English regions.

We have been to Salford with Shildon, to Poole with Consett, Lowestoft with Dunston Fed and now once again southward on the 7.30am, delayed by high winds around Botany Bay - near Newark, announced the guard.

The guard, in truth, was even more long-winded, even insisting upon the absurdly elongated phrase "at this present moment in time" when, if anything at all, he meant "now." They seem to have grown more garrulous since National Express claimed the franchise: only the infrequent silences offered Express relief.

Hungerford also has an ancient common, run by officers including the constable, the port reeve, several water bailiffs, three keepers of the keys of the common coffer, four tutti men, a bellman-cum-town crier and, for reasons not entirely explained, two ale tasters.

Some other offices, like the searcher and sealer of leather and the tasters of flesh and fish, have sadly been made redundant.

On the Tuesday after Easter, at any rate, they celebrate Hocktide - otherwise known as Tutti Day - at which the tutti men go around the 100-or-so homes with commoners' rights, the old penny toll replaced by a kiss from the lady of the house.

Hence, presumably, tuttifruity.

In the Plume of Feathers we bumped into Alan Lingwood, childhood Whitley Bay fan and former club chairman, whose lifelong ambition is to see them at Wembley.

He is also remembered for an infamous comment, 20 years ago, that the Northern League was no more than a collection of petrified pit villages (or words to that effect.) Alan remembered it well. "I think we'd just left Shildon," he said, cruelly.

He'd also had a match-bymatch bet with a mate that Manchester United would win more games than Newcastle United, even counting Newcastle's draws as wins. "I've made so much money, I'm going to have to declare it to the taxman," he said.

A pint was £3. "It'll be cheaper at the ground," said the affable landlord and inadvertently told untruths. £3 there, an' all.

Lugubriously by the ground entrance is the memorial to 16 of the 17 shot in 1987 in what indelibly is remembered as the Hungerford Massacre. The 17th was Michael Ryan, the killer, who finally turned the gun upon himself.

The Vase itself stood in the clubhouse, casually guarded by a couple of lightweight heavies, lest someone fill it with daffs and take it home for Mothers' Day.

The security guards wore those shortie black macs now much-favoured by pall bearers.

Maybe they were moonlighting.

Whitley Bay had left Tyneside at 6pm the previous evening, planning to stay overnight in Coventry and to watch en route the DVD of the previous round's memorable 3-0 victory at Truro, the favourites.

They may have seen it more often than anticipated, the journey taking six-and-a-half hours after an overturned Marks and Spencer lorry blocked the M1.

It was all a bit much for Derek Breakwell, the Seahorses' sedulous secretary. "All that and they're going to charge me 5p for a carrier bag," he said.

Derek was also anxious about the Keegan effect, having seen his side leading Seaham Red Star 3-0 earlier in the season and contrive to lose 5-3. "I'm never comfortable until we're at least four up," he said.

Team manager Ian Chandler, scorer of Whitley Bay's winning goal in the 2002 Vase final - at Villa Park - was a bit on edge, too. "I'm not as confident as I was before Truro," he admitted.

"I was pretty sure we'd beat them."

The crowd was just over 600, about a third vociferously from Tyneside. Hungerford's bellman having failed to put in an appearance, Whitley Bay had a ringer of their own - an oldstyle corncrake, too, though it proved pretty ineffectual. Little wonder they're almost extinct.

Wind and defences dominated, a euphemism meaning it was all petty poor, Whitley's best first half effort when centre-half David Coulson headed narrowly over from a 43rd minute corner. Just two minutes after the re-start, however, the Seahorses were off and galloping when a one-two between Paul Chow and Paul Robinson ended with Robinson firing into the bottom corner from 15 yards.

Thereafter Hungerford huffed, dangerman Jamie Gosling well marshalled by Brian Rowe. Veteran goalkeeper Terry Burke, solid throughout, produced near the end an arcing save to defy gravity, geometry and Gosling and to ensure progress. He has conceded just one goal in five Vase games.

For sea-hoarse chairman Paul McIlduff, however, euphoria was tinged by news of Blackburn's last-minute winner at St James's. He's a Newcastle season ticket holder. "I might have to get a Whitley Bay season ticket instead," he said.

The amiable Burke, 35, thought the game "not a classic" but was happy with his save. "I thought I'd better do something to earn my keep," he said.

They're now a two-leg semifinal from Wembley, from being the Arngrove Northern League's first finalists since they themselves lifted the trophy six years ago.

The next stop's back to Lowestoft, the away leg on March 22 and back to Whitley Bay the following Saturday.

We're not Dun roaming yet.

AND FINALLY...

THE team with which David Beckham had his first Football League action (Backtrack, February 29) was Preston North End, on loan in 1992-93.

Terry Wells in Whitton, near Stockton, today invites the identity of the player, still active at the top level, who has won Premier League, FA Cup, Champions League and UEFA Cup medals.

With an eye-opening taste of women's rugby, the column returns on Friday.

8:53am Tuesday 4th March 2008

Print

Email this

Comment

Add your comment

Name:
Email: *
Location:
**
	e.g. 123-123
Comment: Please note: All HTML tags will be ignored. Format Text:
By posting a comment, I confirm that I have read and agree to the terms of use. Comments are not moderated but we will react if anything that breaks the rules comes to our attention and we may delete inappropriate postings. Please treat other people with respect. You must not post anything that is abusive, indecent, unlawful or defamatory. Remember, you are personally liable for what you post on this site. If you wish to complain about a comment, contact us here.
* Your email address will not be displayed ** To avoid register now or login