COUNDON Conservative Club played their FA Sunday Cup quarter-final at the weekend, scored after eight minutes and for the rest of the half it was exactly like Sundays used to be. Nothing much happened at all.

In truth, it would not in the least have been surprising had an Eton-collared urchin been found in the corner of the stand with a copy of something improving - as they used to say - like Pilgrim's Progress.

Notwithstanding that they play in red, Coundon's blue hue has become familiar hereabouts. Last season, their first in the national competition, they lifted the trophy with a record 5-0 final win at Anfield.

Now, at Crook Town's ground, they were playing Luton St Joseph's, five times finalists and twice winners. It seemed a pity in a way that St Joseph's opponents hadn't been Hetton Lyons CC, Durham's other survivors, in which case we could have talked about the Christians being thrown to the Lyons.

The Cons are almost all Northern League men, manager Paul Aldsworth's team selection made a little easier because midfielder Curt Warburton had successfully defended his British ultra-fighting title in Sunderland the evening previously.

Curt, for all that, appeared up for another battle. "Just a couple of canvas burns on my knees," reported the cheerful champ.

The dressing room overflowed with the usual boxes of jaffa cakes - if these lads weren't the Conservative Club, they'd have to be the orange order - and with a few tubes of wine gums, said to be the strongest thing in which the lads indulge before a match.

The programme noted that in the team's 11-year existence it had also been Coundon Durham Ox, Coundon Foresters Arms and Coundon Miners Arms. The village is near Bishop Auckland. It was perhaps fortunate, the programme added, that it hadn't any more pubs.

Manager Aldsworth, known universally as Pele and wearing a little rucksack as permanently as a tortoise wears a shell, offered a pep talk about wanting all the trimmings and about them coming back singing and dancing after 90 minutes.

Vince Johnson, the sponsor, added a homily of his own. "I know bugger all about football,"

it began, at once offering him parity with half the managers in the grass roots game.

The opener came from Mark Foster's 25-yard free kick.

Thereafter it was as if St Joseph's, in particular, had given up entertainment for Lent. Joseph is the patron saint of manual workers; they toiled.

The Cons' defence tackled fiercely but fairly for all that, Michael Heckley outstanding at right back. Michael's dad gave the same impression of letting no-one out on bail when, a lot of years ago, he was centre-half for Shildon.

This was throwing Christians to the tigers.

At half-time, word arrived that Hetton - winners two years ago against St Joseph's - were leading 2-0 against St Andrew's of Edgeware. Canonisation isn't a prerequisite of Sunday Cup entry but may be considered useful, nonetheless.

The Crook game had been pretty sporting, as if referee Rowntree had reminded the players not just of the laws of the game but of the Ten Commandments - most of them, anyway - with an optional eleventh about not breaking sweat.

The Sabbath had clearly also spread to Vince Johnson, he of the co-respondent shoes, heard to shout "Dearie me" in protest at a particular contentious decision.

Whatever Mr Tucker Bailes said to the manager upon being substituted late on, it appeared not to be "Dearie me."

The second half had been better, Coundon's pressure rewarded with Kevin Bromley's 85th minute goal. Three minutes later St Joseph's pulled one back, prompting rather more prayers in the Coundon dug-out than perhaps they had anticipated.

Pele admitted as much, said he thought they'd been the stronger side, believed that they still hadn't been at their best.

Hetton Lyons had won 4-0, opening the possibility before yesterday's draw of an all- Durham final.

It remains - the Cons away to Brantham, Ipswich direction, and Hetton at Paddock in Liverpool. Pele remains upbeat.

"People have written off the Conservatives before."

A QUICK one on the way to the match with Ian "Boss Hogg"

Hawley, a Teflon Don among wicketkeepers, who now keeps the Crown in Crook. Boss had the other day been shown an old scorebook, Crook II v Shotley Bridge II, in some cup competition or other. "It was the last couple of overs and we were starting to hit it round a bit," he recalled. "They brought on this little lad, 11 or 12, and we thought it was fillyour- boots time. It's still there in black and white: I Hawley b P Collingwood 45'." Boss remembers well the dismissal.

"I always said he'd go far," he says.

GETTING on six months after the season ended, barely six weeks before again they perilously pitch wickets, Evenwood Cricket Club held its annual presentation on Saturday night. They'd had to cancel the disco, though; the kids dance to a different tune these days.

Evenwood are in the Durham County League, the club of our old friend Bulldog Billy Teesdale who won the trophy for the best off-field contribution and surprised everyone by toasting it in Diet Coke.

Bill's the groundsman, Old King Mole - or mowdy man, as they used to say in Yorkshire - in view of recent problems with the critturs. Sadly, he declined to detail his particular method of pest control, though there was talk of a windy pick.

The club's been held together by the Teesdale brothers - John, Alf and Billy - and by Kevin Richardson almost since its formation in 1965. Now they grow ever-more fearful of where the next generation's coming from.

Of this one, Matthew McConnell won the league award for the best junior in senior cricket - returns of 5-0 and 4-0 may have helped - while many of the other awards were shared between Christopher Coatsworth, Ryan Nicholson and the Bulldog's bairn, young Billy.

The first team won a preseason six-a-side competition, reached another couple of finals.

The seconds were rarely even second best, struggling to raise a team. Lost promise, the juniors drift away.

It was a good night, as always, but behind the jollity the Teesdale district counsel is that cricket's on a really sticky wicket at grass roots. It's not just the moles to blame.

MEMORIES in Friday's column of the Big Book of Football Champions - a Christmas staple when we were kids - prompted an e-mail from Alan Wilks in Chilton, near Ferryhill, who still has the 1961 edition.

Spurs had won the double, England had beaten Scotland 9- 3 at Wembley and Johnny Haynes had turned down a move to Milan - whence Jimmy Graves had flown - when Fulham upped his wages to £5,000 a year.

West Auckland, the book also records, had reached the Amateur Cup final at Wembley - "a homespun club in the shadow of more famous Durham clubs like Bishop Auckland, Willington and Crook" - for whom team manager Johnny Spuhler travelled 70 miles each match just to pick up players.

After the Evenwood do, coincidentally, we'd looked across to West Auckland's clubhouse for a fund-raising evening for cancer research - prompted by an illness to longtime West supporter Ray Vickers, who's coming along canny.

The place was lifting, the atmosphere generous in every way. West Auckland Football Club remains homespun, even retains some of the same volunteers. It's wholly admirable, too.

THE previous evening to Shildon, where Bishop Auckland have ground-shared these past two seasons, for the Arngrove Northern League derby with West Auckland. Still homeless and still struggling, the Bishops have given temporary accommodation to 45 different first team players this season, their 3-1 win a particular plus for Terry Jackson, the club's admirable chairman. Terry commutes from Milton Keynes: it's the first time he'd seen his team win at Shildon since 2002.

...AND FINALLY

FRIDAY'S column sought the identity of the only footballer to have appeared in a North-East derby, a Liverpool derby, a London, Munich and a Berlin derby - and no-one appeared to realise that it was former Boro man Christian Zeige, also of Liverpool and Spurs.

Neil Mackay in Lanchester today invites the identity of the team which played in all five divisions, including the Conference, in the space of 20 years.

We confer again on Friday.

8:56am Tuesday 26th February 2008

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