THOSE who know Darlington will recall The Cricketers, a pub on what now is the inner ring road. Predictably briefly, it became a pile-it-high American diner and is now Cougars Sports Bar.

A sports bar may be defined as a place with far too many televisions, one or two football shirts on the wall and no real ale.

I ask what’s the nearest they have to English bottled beer. “Carlsberg,” says the barmaid.

Part of the town’s comedy festival, the Footbaaalll Show was temporarily on a free transfer from Newcastle. They’re generally very good nights, though they still haven’t forgotten Bobby Kerr, who announced that he didn’t want to talk about Wembley 1973.

“It was like Neil Armstrong saying he didn’t want to talk about all that moon crap,” says Gavin Webster, the compere.

The Sunday evening guests are Malcolm Macdonald and Bernie Slaven, though Bernie can’t find the place and has finally to be talked down from eternally elliptical orbit by the barmaid on her mobile.

“I thought we’d lost you,” says Malcolm. Those familiar with Darlington’s rudderless, roundabout , roadworks will probably sympathise.

Bernie, Boro boy, essays a comparison with his mate. “Malcolm was lightning quick, lethal in the box, brave as a lion. I was none of those things.”

Unlike Newcastle, there are no pies and Bovril. The crowd’s no more than 20. The organisers may not find that funny at all.

WHEN a couple of weeks back we were chatting to Professional Footballers’ Association executive Oshor Williams – Stockton lad and former Darlington St Mary’s Grammar School boy – he asked, apropos of nothing, if we knew how ex-Boro boy Graeme Hedley was getting on.

“Craig Johnston in his autobiography reckoned Graeme just about the best player he ever saw,” said Oshor.

At the comedy club night, apropos of even less, Gavin Webster asks the lads if they remember Graeme Hedley – “a real class act, it’s reckoned.”

Graeme, now 60 and less extravagantly coiffed, had an injury curtailed career. Memory murmurs that he and Pauline kept the Bay Horse in Middridge for a while, that he managed his native Easington Colliery in the Northern League and that he then helped Pauline run Wolviston post office, near Billingham.

Whatever happened to Graeme Hedley? Perhaps we’ll learn next week.

ILLUSTRATIVE of all that they say about great minds, John Raw in Bishop Auckland reports that – just like the column a fortnight back – The Cricketer magazine’s featured match this month is Yorkshire v Somerset at Scarborough, the mag’s first visit for ten years. Sadly, they don’t stock it at our local Smith’s – perhaps more next week on that one, too.

Last week’s column recalled how Sunderland supporting sixth formers had let down Leeds United manager Don Revie’s tyres when he pitched up at Bishop Auckland Grammar School to sign Peter Hampton.

Independently, both Colin Hurworth and Pete Sixsmith come clean – though the offence, they agree, was not to apply deflationary pressures but simply to write SAFC in the muck on the back of Revie’s unwashed motor.

A Ford Zephyr, Pete recalls. A Granada, says Colin. It was probably 1969, not 1971 as we supposed.

Pete recalls “lurking” until the Leeds manager emerged and spotted their handiwork. “Revie had a sort of wry smile on his face; the headmaster hadn’t.”

NOTING that former world snooker champion Joe Johnson still had problems with his left eye following a failed laser job, last week’s column underlined that most who’ve undergone the procedure rejoice at its life-changing success.

It was coincidence that we should be in Hunwick Workmen’s Club, near Willington, recalling how the late Tommy Ward – lovely man – had become the first 90-year-old to win a game in the Langley Moor and District Snooker League.

Tommy, a long serving club secretary who died last year, had also had his cataracts shifted. “Best thing I ever did, before it I could hardly see across the road,” he’d told the column back in 2012.

“Afterwards I found myself outside, just standing and staring at the colours of the countryside. Someone stopped and asked me if I was all right.”

At the time of the op, mind, he’d been a mere 89.

THE Stokesley Stockbroker, recent LibDem candidate for Pudsey, wonders with little prospect of contradiction if Vince Cable is the first party leader to support York City.

A little googling not only confirms Cable’s allegiance to the place of his birth but that he hero worshipped leading scorer Arthur Bottom – “a rather plump part-time milkman,” he once recalled.

The new leader also remembers attending the fabled 1955 FA Cup semi-final between third division City and Newcastle United, in which Jackie Milburn starred for United.

Wasn’t there an even better known party leader who talked of watching Wor Jackie from the Gallowgate End at St James’ Park – and who was proved, shall we say, to be mistaken?

….AND finally, the four Sunderland footballers who’ve twice won the club’s player of the year award (Backtrack, July 20) are Gary Bennett (1987 and 1994), Marco Gabbiadini (back-to-back in 1989 and 1990), Kevin Phillips in 1998 and 2000 and Jermaine Defoe for the past two seasons.

Sadly for her, Esh Winning cricketer Danielle Hazell was omitted from the team in the later stages of England’s world cup triumph but still holds a unique place within the squad.

Readers are today invited to suggest what it might be. The column returns next week.