THE C2C cycle route spins from Whitehaven on the west coast to Seaburn on the other. The bit from Consett to Birtley was about 12 miles, they said.

It was the Last Legs stage a week back yesterday. Birtley boys Bob and George, who joined the walk, had new-fangled app thingies on their phones which not only announced the passing of every mile, but which tried to calculate mph as well.

It has to be said that the Lorelei in the sky was an even bigger maths duffer than I was, and I failed O-level four times.

Bob, a retired butcher, had calculated the distance a little less technologically, using a map and what he termed a bit of butcher’s string. Butcher’s string may have something to do with pigs’ ears.

Soon it was clear that he had seriously underestimated. Twelve miles became 14 and 14 grew to 16. Bob, great bloke, supposed that the bit of string might have had knots in it, or maybe a bit of blood.

“You know butchers,” he said. “It’s just a little bit over, madam.”

Including a short detour to the Shepherd and Shepherdess, a little bit over proved to be 16.69 miles, which brings the walking running total to more than 400 and the amount raised to £18,000. Awfully hard to get out of bed the following morning, though: Last Legs lives up to its name.

LAST Saturday’s walk was from Tynemouth to the Northumbria University sports complex in Benton, Newcastle.

It’s possible, however, that the Ebac Northern League match between Team Northumbria and Tow Law may not have been the only thing on TN manager Colin Stromsoy’s mind.

Colin’s also the university’s director of sport and it was showdown weekend in the Stan Calvert Cup, fought fiercely for 23 years between Northumbria and the University of Newcastle. It’s the academic equivalent of the Old Firm, or if not quite Old Firm, then Senior Scholars against Young Pretenders.

The 30 sports range from rowing to rugby league, golf to Gaelic football, and also include water polo, lacrosse and indoor cricket.

That the director could be seen at 6pm punching the air had less to do with a 1-0 win over Tow Law than the text message reporting that they’d just won the skiing and snow boarding, at Silksworth.

The weekend’s final event, on Sunday afternoon, was the football at Gateshead Stadium. While the Northern League match attracted a crowd of fewer than 100, the Stan Calvert – contested in memory of a former University of Newcastle director of sport – was expected to pull in 5,000.

Learning curve? Northumbria won the overall competition by four points, their third successive victory.

WITH editorial apologies for the delay between issues – “We’ve been waiting for something positive to come about, but in the end abandoned such a fond hope” – the latest issue of the Newcastle United fanzine The Popular Side arrives.

Ever intelligent, it features a terrific interview with former United favourite Les Ferdinand – 41 goals in 68 games from 1995-97.

The man the Mags call Sir Les – he’s an MBE – admits to being a bit apprehensive about Newcastle. “As a London boy I’d go home every weekend when I first moved, then every other weekend. Eventually I just wanted to stay on Tyneside.”

Never once affected by racism – “I think Andy Cole paved the way for that” – he recalls being sent a photograph of a little lad on his school's non-uniform day.

The kid wanted to go as Les Ferdinand, wore the denim away shirt from 1996-97 and had been boot blacked by his dad.

“I thought it was brilliant,” says Les. “Imagine it happening today.”

HYLTON Balmer, one of the great stalwarts of Etherley Cricket Club, is helping organise a reunion of all former players in the clubhouse on Friday, April 15, from 7.30pm. Hylton’s on 01388 832858 or 07821 156097.

INCORRIGIBLY, indefensibly, the world’s best Geordie joke – you know, the one about ice hockey – crept yet again into last week’s column. Harry Watson in Darlington objects on the grounds that it’s only the second best.

The best, he says, was told when they lived in South Shields by Carl Bach – their German rent collector – and concerns the two Geordie lads exploring the Amazon by canoe when they hear a distant beating.

“How,” says Jackie, “are they war drums?”

“Nah,” says Jimmy, “I’m pretty sure they’re theirs.”

Mr Watson has been watching too many Bobby Thompson DVDs.

….and finally, the four Football League founders who are still in the Premier League (Backtrack, March 3) are Aston Villa (pro tem), Everton, Stoke City and West Brom.

Today back to The Popular Side, which seeks the identity of the team with the longest ever Premier League sequence without a win. (Clue: it’s not Newcastle.)

Via the Railroad to Wembley – where else? – the column returns next week.