Newcastle's season of shame hits a new low

IF you pay peanuts, so the saying goes, you get monkeys. Well, if you choose to run a football club in the manner Mike Ashley has for the last three or four years, you inevitably get the kind of farcical afternoon that made Newcastle United such a laughing stock at the weekend.

There was so much that was shambolic about Newcastle’s trip to Leicester City that it is difficult to know where to start. We will get to some of the more pertinent points in a moment. But ultimately, the crisis that has engulfed the Magpies in the last couple of months, and which now has every chance of sending the club crashing into the Championship, can be attributed to the failings of one man.

It is Ashley who has overseen the assembly of a squad of mercenaries, miscreants and fatally-flawed footballers, Ashley who effectively wrote off the second half of the season with the appointment of a head coach completely lacking in Premier League experience or acumen, and Ashley who has created a poisonous divide between the club and the supporters who should be its lifeblood.

When the 4,500-or-so Newcastle fans packed into the away end at the King Power Stadium jeered the visiting players from the field at the final whistle, and unfolded a banner reading “We don’t demand a team that wins, we demand a club that tries”, it was the one dignified act of the entire afternoon.

Their misfortune is to be tied to a club in complete disarray, and it says much that while the supporters trudged dutifully to the East Midlands, Ashley was nowhere to be seen as the latest calamitous chapter in yet another season of shame unfolded.

There have been some dreadfully dark days in the Ashley era, but in terms of each and every aspect of the club completely imploding, this was a match for anything that had preceded it. Perhaps the final day of the season, with relegation potentially being confirmed at St James’ Park via a home game with West Ham, will prove the trump card.

Saturday’s embarrassment came 23 years to the day after a very different Newcastle side had battled their way to a decisive 2-1 win at Leicester’s old ground at Filbert Street that avoided the ignominy of relegation to the third tier.

That side undoubtedly had its limitations, but it was packed with players prepared to try their heart out, guided by a manager, Kevin Keegan, who was adept at providing inspirational leadership and roared on by fans who felt an integral part of the club they were supporting. For all that the footballing world has changed irrevocably in the intervening period, most followers of Newcastle would have those Division One days back in an instant.

Instead, they find themselves watching a group of players who are either not bothered, not good enough or not capable of grasping the seriousness of the situation into which they have been plunged.

Saturday’s surrender was effectively complete within the space of 36 seconds, a time-span that was sufficient to highlight the multitude of failings that could result in relegation despite the two-point gap still separating Newcastle from the bottom three.

While Leicester’s players were clearly inspired by the raucous pre-match atmosphere that saw giant mosaic banners being assembled on three sides of the stadium, their opponents sleepwalked into a situation they were unable to get out of.

Ryan Taylor, a player whose limitations become clearer and clearer with every game, miscontrolled the ball from kick-off and took an eternity to try to regain his composure before being dispossessed by Leonardo Ulloa. Fabricio Coloccini, a captain whose conduct is surely worthy of a dishonourable discharge, pulled out of two attempts to make a tackle as his side conceded a corner. Moussa Sissoko, supposedly a world-class midfielder, ducked out of a challenge as Ulloa scored.

There was more. Emmanuel Riviere, touted as the latest remarkable discovery of Newcastle’s now discredited French talent-sporting arm but still to score his first Premier League goal, missed his kick when well set in the area and displayed even more remarkable ineptitude at the start of the second half as he leapt into Marcin Wasilewski to concede the penalty that enabled Ulloa to score Leicester’s third goal.

Jonas Gutierrez, whose place in the team increasingly has to be attributed to sentiment rather than any enduring ability, was repeatedly embarrassed as he tried to get to grips with a diamond midfield formation that afforded Leicester’s wide players the freedom of the park. Carver, who claims tactics and preparation are two of his key strengths, has to take a fair amount of blame for that.

And then, of course, there were the two dismissals that dominated so much of the post-match fall out. Mike Williamson has looked out of his depth for a fair chunk of his Newcastle career, yet his most recent displays have represented a new low and Saturday’s red card could well represent the beginning of the end despite yesterday’s stage-managed apology.

Already booked, the centre-half launched himself into Jamie Vardy as the Leicester forward was running the ball out of play and will miss two of the remaining three games of the season as a result.

Was, as Carver so explosively suggested, his action a premeditated attempt to get himself out of those games, or, as Williamson seems to be claiming yesterday, was it simply the act of a player whose frazzled head had gone? Either way, it would have been inexcusable in a park game, let alone on the Premier League stage.

Daryl Janmaat avoided the more venomous part of Carver’s wrath, yet his departure was equally as pathetic. Booked for the foul that led to Wes Morgan stabbing home Leicester’s second goal in the 17th minute, the Dutchman tripped Vardy in the final minute to ensure Newcastle would finish with nine men. Again, only Janmaat will know whether it was cowardly or just completely senseless, but either way, it provided a fittingly farcical footnote to the Magpies’ efforts.