WELL, that’s it. Summer’s over. School starts next week. Time to ditch the flip flops, buy some boots and get ready for the long haul through autumn.

Do you realise that our next public holiday isn’t until Christmas Day? Sigh…

It’s all right for teachers and children, at least they’ll get half term but the rest of us will just have to keep on keeping on until it’s dark at four o’clock. That’s a pretty grim thought.

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I’m not a huge fan of bank holidays – there must be a better way – but if we’re going to have them, then at least we could spread them about a bit.

There’s a log jam in spring, one last Monday and then… nothing.

The Americans have Thanksgiving in late November, which is very much a family occasion but that’s their holiday, not ours – despite efforts to make us eat pumpkin pie, and in any case a bit late in the year.

A day in mid October would be nice, would it not? Admire the leaves, have an outing before the clocks go back. It can be a very pleasant time of year. St Luke’s Summer often gives us a spell of mild weather. Maybe we could turn St Luke’s Day, October 18th, into a bank holiday.

Or we could celebrate October 25th and the battle of Agincourt when we beat the French. Cry God for Harry! England and St George! Or Trafalgar Day on October 21st when Nelson hammered the French AND the Spanish. Well, if we’re going for Brexit we might as well do it in style.

Or if we were feeling reconciliatory we could always go for October 24th which is UN Day. No, I didn’t know either but it might make us look friendly.

Still, there are plenty of occasions for us to mark with a day off and a chance to buy sofas.

We’ve had snow in mid October before now, of course. But at least it would be a day off.

And we could always make a start on the Christmas cards.

FRENCH president Macron has apparently been spending £8,000 a month on make up. I’ve been studying his photos and no, can’t see a cheeky little curl of eye liner, a manly bronze blusher or even a hint of tint on his lips. However, I have noticed his wrinkles already deepening under the weight of responsibility.

Maybe he takes all the make up home to his wife.

Mind you, his predecessor, Francois Hollande spent £8,000 a month just on having his hair done.

And my husband thinks £9 is a rip off…

ALL I wanted was some mustard for my sandwich. Reaching for the mustard pot, I knocked over a bottle of olive oil. Gloop everywhere.

So I took everything out and cleaned the shelf and then the other shelves and the shelves from the other cupboards while I was about it.

The outside of the cupboards were filthy – ever since the incident of the exploding sausages and a kitchen full of smoke and flames – so I cleaned those too. And the wall by the cooker with all the grease marks. I wiped that so hard that you could see through to the old wallpaper underneath.

And that is why I ended up spending bank holiday Saturday painting the kitchen…

Next time, I’ll do without the mustard.

WHEN so much modern art is strange, ugly or just baffling, we have to look elsewhere for inspiration.

How about the new Queensferry Crossing which this week replaces the old Forth Road Bridge outside Edinburgh? The new 1.7mile crossing is elegant, functional and breathtakingly beautiful.

A real work of art, in fact

TOSSING and turning at night could increase your chances of a heart attack, says new research. Now that’s REALLY going to help you sleep better, isn’t it?

Other assorted health news from the past week:

  • Prosecco rots your teeth
  • A low fat diet is bad for you
  • Chocolate can guard against diabetes
  • Fatter people do better than the underweight after heart operations
  • You probably need only three a day servings of fruit and veg.

Confused? Of course. Experts love to contradict each other – and themselves – at least once a week.

The answer to healthy living is probably moderation in all things. But for your average expert that’s much too simple.

Sleep well.

OLYMPIC cyclist Chris Hoy said this week that no man weighing more than eight stone and with more than 5% body fat should be wearing skin-tight, nowhere-to-hide Lycra.

And you can see – all too clearly – what he means.

On the other hand, at least those middle aged men have actually got into their Lycra and onto their bikes and are trying to do something about getting fit. So, good for them - unlike the lard arses who never move off the sofa.

Getting started on exercise isn’t always easy. What we all need is a bit of encouragement and good will – not body-shaming from someone who had a wodge of public money to help him win his medals.