Will Roberts
As a child I always missed out on the crazes. When I got my first shell suit people were into Kickers. I finally got a Gameboy when people had moved on to Playstations. So I’m over the moon to be finally up to date by having my own blog.
A game of cards
My Christmas card count so far this year is five.
To break it down further, that total incorporates three received through work (including one from Northumbrian Water - thanks) and two received from people in my personal life. One of which was my electrician, who is probably hoping for more work next year. (The card's message should have read Wishing you a Happy Christmas and a 2008 full of maintenance problems stemming from your electrical fittings.')
So, really, one card. From my girlfriend's Mum and Dad. This one, will take pride of place on my fireplace. I don't think there's any need for string to be put up on the walls to make a display just yet.
I would like to think that the reason I don't get many cards isn't because nobody likes me, but because I don't send any. I haven't sent a Christmas card for a good ten years now, so I can't complain for not receiving any.
The opposite side of the chocolate coin, is my parents, who start getting cards through the post in early December and continue getting them until the New Year. Hundreds of em, from all over. They do have to put up string to make a display in the living room. And in the hall. And the dining room.
These are from mates from decades ago as well as new friends. Sometimes, my Mum and Dad have to have a think about who they are from. How do they know them? Where did they meet them? Do they really have a child called Thelma or is that the dog?
They stare at the card, before asking: "Who the hell are June and Phil? We don't know anyone from Rochdale?"
Some come with newsletters. Two-page affairs which bore the socks off you.
"Peter is 12 now and in the summer he spent two days at a music camp where his cello came on leaps and bounds.
"Twinkle, the youngest of our three cats hasn't been well this year. She got an infection in her front right paw in February which persisted until early summer. We're all hoping for a much better 2008 for her."
The reason my parents get so many cards is because they send so many. It's like a military operation. Mum and Dad like to make their own cards, with pressed flowers. So really, the whole process starts in early summer, when my Mum picks flowers and puts them into a press. Then comes the arranging, pasting, bordering, backing with plastic, folding, adding a message and signing. The Great Wall of China probably took less man hours.
Mum also has a three strikes and your out' system. She has a list of people they received cards from last year, so that she can return the favour this year. If a friend' chooses not to send a card for three years running, they're off the list. It's brutal, but when you're dealing with the volumes these guys are dealing with, it's necessary.
The system is foolproof. It's an example of middle-class perfection. Even if, on December 24, they get thrown a curveball in the shape of a card from someone they haven't written to, they can deal with it. Out come the reserve cards, and one can be in the post within ten minutes of receipt. Blame the delay on the Christmas post.
So maybe I need to learn some lessons from the folks, but seeing as I normally only start my Christmas shopping in mid December - I think it's a bit much to ask me to start doing cards in June. Surely that's what e-mails were created for?
11:39am Tuesday 18th December 2007
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CommentPosted by: Kathryn Roberts on 8:11pm Fri 4 Jan 08
Sorry i did not send you a squashed dead flower card this year [or any year really], Will. I'll do one for your new mantlepiece next year Love Mum xxx
Sorry i did not send you a squashed dead flower card this year , Will. I'll do one for your new mantlepiece next year Love Mum xxx
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