Rent a cop Francis Jones, whose Darlington security company is the focus of a BBC3 series
In episode four of Rent a Cop, Francis Jones of Darlington's Sparta Security joins forces with fishing pond warden Dave Ovens to discover just who keeps supergluing the lock on the pond gate.
I have to admit though, it wasn't exactly brimming with suspense and high octane action.
- On checking out the kitchen of a burgled house: "By you have got a lot of broccoli. That's the key broccoli, it's awesome."
- Explaining his mission in life: "I want to put a smile on your heart."
- On meeting God: "I want to make God happy on the day I come to see him."
- On the hunt for nuisance bikers: "I think it's them, they're riddled with guilt."
- Exasperation as walkie-talkie communication with Dave Ovens is broken at a vital moment during the pond stake out: "Dave Ovens....., Dave Ovens......, Dave Ovens..........Dave?"
- You can watch episode four of Rent a Cop on the BBC iplayer. Episode five is on BBC3 next Thursday
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