In episode four of Rent a Cop, Francis Jones of Darlington's Sparta Security joins forces with fishing pond warden Dave Ovens to discover just who keeps supergluing the lock on the pond gate.

 I have to admit though, it wasn't exactly brimming with suspense and high octane action.

  • On checking out the kitchen of a burgled house: "By you have got a lot of broccoli. That's the key broccoli, it's awesome."
  • Explaining his mission in life: "I want to put a smile on your heart."
  • On meeting God: "I want to make God happy on the day I come to see him."
  • On the hunt for nuisance bikers: "I think it's them, they're riddled with guilt."
  • Exasperation as walkie-talkie communication with Dave Ovens is broken at a vital moment during the pond stake out: "Dave Ovens....., Dave Ovens......, Dave Ovens..........Dave?"
  • You can watch episode four of Rent a Cop on the BBC iplayer. Episode five is on BBC3 next Thursday