You may remember the story I told a few weeks ago about how Dot Gamble managed to get on the wrong bus to Darlington and ended up in Barnard Castle well, after a chat with Dot’s husband David, it seems its not the first time she’s been confused about where she’s at!

David had asked Dot if she fancied a weekend coach trip to London and, as she had NEVER been to the capital, she readily agreed. David said they got the coach from Darlington early on the Friday morning and headed off down the A1. All was well until they stopped off for a cuppa at Watford Gap services. “I’ve been in here before.” says Dot. “When?” says David, “I thought you said you’d never been this far south before!” “Well I’ve been in THESE services on our way to Blackpool!” says Dot adamantly. “Ya daft bugger,” says David, “That was TEBAY!!”

I’m indebted to Gary Peart for sending me the top 5 ‘smart ass’ replies of the last year. All true and wouldn’t you just love to have thought of some of these yourself?

SMART ASS ANSWER 5.

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.

"What are my choices?" the man asked. "Yes or no!" she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER 4.

A lady was picking through the frozen Chickens at a Tesco store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a passing assistant, "Do these Chickens get any bigger?"

The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead!"

SMART ASS ANSWER 3.

The policeman got out of his car and the teenager he stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day!" the Cop said. The kid replied, "Well I got here as fast as I could!" When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER 2.

A truck driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read ‘Low Bridge Ahead.’ Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.

Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car arrived.

The policeman got out of his car and walked to the truck's cab and said to the driver, "Got stuck, eh?"

The truck driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!"

SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR.

A teacher at a Western Australian High School reminded her pupils of tomorrows final exam.

"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack, a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-assed teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering..

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, "Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand!"

Got a story? nigeldowson@yahoo.co.uk