Turning in his grave

The culprits are men and women known throughout the town, and far beyond. The leader is a highly respected GP. Though they plead not guilty, they made one fatal (as it were) mistake: the Gadfly column was asked to view the evidence.

The gathering was in Bishop Auckland Town Hall basement, which some might consider deeply significant. Upstairs, a very much larger crowd watched, going fine, a performance of Oklahoma.

"Bishop Auckland Civic Society," the card had read, "invites you to reflect on the rich variety of individuals that has impacted on the development and reputation of the town."

Save for the occasional aberration with the apostrophe, the Civic Society are a convivial and a learned crowd. Their latest effort was an exhibition in words and pictures which continues - see for yourselves - until Saturday.

Some of those thus remembered weren't hard to place: Joseph Lingford, baking powder king and philanthropist; Anthony Eden, "misunderstood" Prime Minister; Tom McGuinness, the pitman painter.

Others had a more borderline case to be acclaimed Bishop boys. Though educated in the town, the 18th Century astronomer Thomas Wright has his roots and his memorial in Byers Green, in Spennymoor district; Jeremiah Dixon - he of the Mason-Dixon Line - has long been claimed for Cockfield but was apparently born in Bishop; even Stan Laurel flitted but briefly upon the town's centre stage.

They are mere quibbles, however, compared with the exhibition's inclusion of Timothy Hackworth - the great railway engineer - as another who "impacted upon the development and reputation of the town".

The claim is preposterous. Hackworth, though born on Tyneside, made his fame and his name in Shildon and is buried in St John's churchyard.

Shildon has a Timothy Hackworth museum, a Timothy Hackworth school - bless its little blackboard dusters - and even a Timothy Hackworth pub.

There's a Hackworth Street, Hackworth Close, a Hackworth Park and a Hackworth industrial estate.

Far from impacting on the reputation and development of Bishop Auckland, half Bishop probably believes him to have been a Premiership footballer or a patent medicine manufacturer.

"He made an engine for South Church brewery which lasted 104 years," gasped Civic Society chairman Dr Bob McManners, when sternly cross-examined over the matter.

Others claimed that Hackworth sometimes preached in Bishop Auckland, or was a partner in an engineering works in Railway Street.

It is irrelevant. Hackworth's Soho Works, which helped bring steam railways to the world, were squarely in Shildon. It is the town where he lived and which he loved, the town where now and for Halowe'ens long to come, he must rest in peace.

Only one woman is included in the Civic Society's exhibition - they couldn't think of any more. Mary Ann Cotton may be considered to have impacted more upon Bishop Auckland's reputation than upon its development.

Born in Low Moorsley, near Houghton-le-Spring, she came to West Auckland - to which Bishop may reasonably lay claim - is reckoned to have poisoned up to 21 people and was hanged in Durham jail.

The admirable Dr McManners isn't convinced. He is the man who led the successful fight to save the town's Newton Cap viaduct and who now spearheads the battle to keep the Zurburan paintings in the region, if not at Auckland Castle.

He is also the chap who follows "Infamous Poisoner" with a pertinent question mark. Once the Zurburan paintings are secured for the region, as with Bob's expertise they will be, we predict a new campaign.

Mary Ann Cotton is innocent, OK?

Much the most surprising omission from the gallery of Bishop Auckland's immortals was the late Bob Hardisty, reckoned the greatest amateur footballer of all time.

Born in Chester-le-Street, Bob led the Bishops to three successive FA Amateur Cup wins from 1955-57 and was even summoned to help out Manchester United after the Munich disaster.

What's less well known is that one season of his illustrious career was spent away from Bishop Auckland. It was in the late 1940s at Shildon - where he learned all that he ever knew, of course.

As rotten luck would have it, the Brainless Britannia B - by far the worst dominoes team the world has ever seen - played at the Timothy Hackworth in Shildon on Monday night.

Since mentioning the dark deeds at Bishop town hall would likely have led to Strongarmed insurrection, it may only be reported that the Brainless Britannia lost, again, 7-1. Two months into the season, we remain the only team in all four divisions of the Darlington 5s and 3s League which has yet to win a match.

Travellers' tales: back from Minorca, Sue Heath offers the following - under "Local Customs" - from the island guide:

"Raised left hand. If you see a motor cyclist or cyclist raise his left hand, this usually means that he is turning right. Take care as the rider may not be local, in which case he may turn left."

Reflecting upon another birthday, our last column mentioned that presents had included a video of the Complete Ivor the Engine (and very jolly it is, look you).

It prompted an e-mail from Christine Eddowes pointing out that Oliver Postgate, Ivor's author, was the son of Raymond Postgate who - as the previous day's Eating Owt column had observed - founded the Good Food Guide in 1951.

Might they in turn have been descended, we replied, from the Blessed Oliver Postgate - hanged, drawn and quartered at York in the 17th Century, and still venerated in the Whitby area, whence he came.

Chris didn't know. Does anyone?

The column's first mobile telephone, from the mother-in-law, was also among the presents. Since we exist within a technological timewarp, it has rung precious few bells.

In truth, there have been just two incoming calls, one from the vicar and the other from the undertaker. She died a few days after handing it over.

She was the Bread and Butter Pudding Queen of All Redcar, and a very good sort. God bless and, though the principal effect of mobility is to be driven round the bend, thanks for the birthday present, an' all.