The Bill (ITV1); The Streets Of San Francisco (five); WHEN Sergeant Bob Cryer walked back through the doors of Sun Hill police station last night, he must have thought he'd gone to the wrong series. The place is awash with drug addicts, psychopaths, seducers of schoolgirls, aggressive lesbians, closeted gays, rapists, murderers - and that's only the policemen and women who work there.

Their behaviour is as suspect as that of any criminal. Tuesday's episode, when the lusty PCs formed a disorderly queue to bed a woman who had called for help, showed them only too eager to take down her particulars.

Things have changed a lot since Cryer left The Bill. For the better, say the many viewers who've helped put the long-running police series back on top. For the worse, say those who don't like the soapy elements that have been introduced.

How much simpler police work was back in the 1970s when Catherine Zeta Jones was in nappies and her future husband, Michael Douglas, was pounding the Bay beat in The Streets Of San Francisco, currently being aired again in the mornings on five.

This was not a series that held its audience in much esteem. It didn't even trust them to read the credits, employing a stern voice to do it for them. "The Streets Of San Francisco. A Quinn Martin Production", we heard as those words appeared on screen, just in case our reading skills were lacking.

"Tonight's episode: Legion Of The Lost" was a by-the-book case in which Karl Malden went undercover - not easy for someone with a nose that big - as a street dweller, or wino as most people call this section of society. This involved his Detective Lieutenant Mike Stone putting on a battered hat and grubby coat, and asking questions in much the same way he would when wearing his suit and tie. As a disguise, this stood out as much as his nose, especially as he was forever nipping into phone boxes to call partner Steve Keller (Douglas) or asking his fellow down-and-outs question after question.

The crime he was investigating involved the beating to death, for no apparent reason, of three bums. He kipped in a hostel for the homeless which had only one rule - "no booze, not in your room or on your breath". His nose told a different story.

The episode should have been enlivened by the presence of Leslie Nielsen as a man in a beanie who was the obvious suspect and, therefore, couldn't possibly have done it. These days it's impossible to take him seriously because you can't help but recall his very silly behaviour in The Naked Gun screen comedies.

Douglas's contribution was confined to walking around in a mac and trying not to let the wind mess up his carefully coiffeured hair. I'm afraid he wouldn't last five minutes in Sun Hill.

Published: 25/04/2003