Tonight's TV: Extraordinary Rituals (BBC Two, 9pm)

Extraordinary Rituals (BBC Two, 9pm)

PICTURE the scene: you're a few seconds old and are handed over to professional sumo wrestlers, who will then compete to make you cry.

That's a 400-year-old Japanese ceremony called Naki Sumo, and it is believed this process leads to strong babies.

In the Brazilian Amazon, the Kayapo people think that birth is a time of great danger, when ancestors will try to steal the baby's soul back into the land of the dead.

Whereas in certain parts of the UK, it is quite common for parents to subject their children to countless hours of Peppa Pig in the hope it will distract them long enough to get some rest.

The most important moments of our lives are filled with rituals and ceremonies around birth, marriage and death, as this new series narrated by Simon Reeve proves. And, as you will have gathered, they can vary enormously from country to country.

Until 20 years ago, the aforementioned Kayapo people had no access to modern medicine, so many babies died in infancy. Here cameras follow the family of 19-year-old Irenekwa as they perform rituals to protect her new-born son: bathing him with medicinal plants, piercing his ears to open his senses to the world, and painting him with the dye of a jenipapo fruit to express their love.

Here in Blighty, the school prom is becoming ever more popular. Try to cut any of the attending lads with the patterns of crocodile scales, and chances are you'll be facing a long stretch inside.

However, in some cultures, young boys still undergo ancient and occasionally brutal rites of passage to become men. That's the norm in parts of Papua New Guinea; such scales represent the strength and power of an ancient crocodile spirit.

John is one such lad who spends six months learning lessons from the elders and building up fat with the help of meals cooked by his mother, Mathilda. All preparation for the ceremony, when hundreds of razor cuts are made in John's torso, each representing a bite from the crocodile spirit.

The less macabre ritual of finding a partner in the UK often consists of searching websites for Mr and Ms Right; booze-fuelled parties, or that magic moment in the pub when you spot the love of your life over a bag of scratchings and yet another airing of Angels on the jukebox.

In China, 21st-century teenagers perform seventh-century matchmaking rituals to find a mate. That involves headdresses made from ancestors' hair and an ancient singing ritual to help young women find a boyfriend.

So that's hatches and matches covered. But what of dispatches?

Well, did you know that in Japan, prayers are offered to the dead for 30 years to help release their souls into the afterlife?

However, in an age when many are too busy to pray, some temples now provide a service to store the ashes of the dead in hi-tech, high-rise cemeteries, where priests offer daily prayers.

After this show, you may never look at the newspaper's births, marriages and deaths column in the same way again.

The Crystal Maze (Channel 4, 8pm)

RICHARD AYOADE guides five competitors collectively called The Vikings, because they spend most of their spare time living like the seafaring Scandinavians, on an epic adventure through four fantastical zones - Aztec, Medieval, Industrial and Futuristic. In each zone the team members must tackle physical, skill, mystery and mental challenges in a bid to win crystals. These elusive crystals each give them five seconds inside the iconic Crystal Dome, where they hope to collect gold tokens to convert into prizes.

Britain by Bike with Larry & George Lamb (Channel 5, 8pm)

THE pair load their bikes on to the Paddington-Penzance sleeper train, and after taking a ferry across the Celtic sea, head to the Isles of Scilly. Star Castle, a fortress on St Mary's, built in Elizabethan times in the shape of a star, is their bed for the night. The next morning, George discovers the delights of Tresco Abbey Gardens, a world-famous botanical garden, while Larry helps deliver the mail with one of the UK's last cycling posties. The final day coincides with the World Gig Rowing Championship, which draws rowing teams from as far away as the USA and the Netherlands.

Gardeners' World (BBC2, 8pm)

IF you're a little bored with your back yard and want to make it feel more cultured and exotic, then this edition is not to be missed. Monty Don visits a Hindu temple in Neasden as the team celebrates South Asian influences on British gardens. The amiable host will learn more about the fusion of traditional Hindu Mandir and north-west London suburbia. Meanwhile, Adam Frost has been brushing up on Gloucestershire's Sezincote House, an abode where one of its gardens was crafted to reflect the Mughal paradise gardens. Over in Middlesex, Joe Swift meets green-fingered gurus whose garden celebrates their Indian roots. Plus, there's a profile of botanical horticulturist Bala Kompalli, who runs Kew Gardens' orchid unit.

Extraordinary Rituals (BBC2, 9pm)

NEW series. How the world's most spectacular and extreme rituals bind people together at the most important, dramatic and emotional moments in their lives. This opening programme features ceremonies to mark birth, marriage and death, visiting the Brazilian rainforest, where the family of a woman perform rituals to protect her new-born son - bathing him with medicinal plants, piercing his ears to open his senses to the world, and painting him with the dye of a jenipapo fruit to express their love. Plus, a brutal coming-of-age in Papua New Guinea, dating rituals in China, and a huge Indonesian funeral that costs £170,000. Narrated by Simon Reeve.

Code 37: Sex Crimes (More4, 9pm)

VEERLE Baetens, Michael Pas and Marc Lauwrys star in this Belgian 13-parter screened as part of the Walter strand. It orbits around young and single-minded Chief Inspector Hannah Maes, who starts her new job as head of the Ghent police department; a section that specialises in sexual offences, also known as Code 37s. In episode one, the body of wife and mother Kristien De Vadder is found in a hotel room. The cause of death was erotic asphyxiation, making it a case for Hannah and her team. Who was behind the one-night stand that proved so fatal?

The Big Asian Stand-Up (BBC2, 10pm)

IF you fancy a giggle after a hard week, then this new two-parter should be just the ticket. While TV may be dominated by the same funny folk who seem to do a weekly circuit from assorted panel game to TV stand-up gigs, via countless radio shows, it's good to see some rising funny folks given a chance to bask in the media spotlight. This show highlights a new wave of Asian comedic talent from the UK and beyond. Nish Kumar is your host for the evening, and he welcomes rising stars including award-winning comedians Tez Ilyas (who popped up in cult TV show Man Like Mobeen) and Emily Lloyd Saini. You may have seen her in rather good TV shows like Flowers, Back, W1A and Doctor Foster.