PAID leave for grannies? No, no no! Just think of the unintended consequences.

The government is planning to introduce leave for new grandparents from 2018, but bankers at Santander are ahead of the curve. Grandparents there can now share 16 weeks of maternity leave with parents.

And for every granny – or grandad – who’s delighted, to get the chance to help out, there’ll be many more whose hearts have just sunk into their boots. Bad enough that you have to go on working forever, even worse could be to swap that nice office routine for the daily challenge of babies and nappies and mashed banana…

More than nine million grandparents already look after their grandchildren. Two million have given up work or reduced their hours to do so. It saves the parents a fortune and gives grandparents and children memorable time together.

In a way grandparental leave is a brilliant idea, recognising family flexibility. But the pressure’s on. At this rate, grandparents will have little choice in the matter. They’ll be expected to shoulder most of the childcare – whether they’re fit enough, whether they want to or not. What about a granny’s right to choose?

On the other hand, mothers are getting older. With more women having their first babies in their 30s and 40s, more of them are going to be in their 80s or even 90s before they become grandparents.

That’s one way to get out of the babysitting…

THERE was some story in the papers this week about Top Gear. Joey from Friends had been disrespectful doing wheelies round the Cenotaph and Chris Evans came on camera all grown up and distressed and apologised unreservedly.

Grown up? Well sort of. His face looked pretty ravaged. On the other hand, as well as a leather jacket and a hoody, he seemed to be wearing brightly coloured, spaceman patterned pyjama bottoms with his slippers…

This is what passes for work wear for Chris Evans. If it was anyone else, they’d probably be gently led away.

SO the school day is going to get longer in a bid to cram in some extras. But when did it get shorter?

In the Olden Days when I was at school, primary finished at 3.35 and secondary at 4.05pm. Both started at 8.55 with just under an hour for lunch. That extra half hour a day added up to quite a lot over the year. Why did we lose it?

GREAT picture of President Obama’s daughters at a White House party this month. Excited Sasha,14, was talking to actor Ryan Reynolds while big sister Malia gave her an encouraging double thumbs up sign. Never mind protocol, this was just two teenage sisters being absolutely normal – even in borrowed $20,000 dresses.

The President is, apparently, distraught that Malia is off to college this year, saying he’ll miss “one of my best friends.” He even refused to speak at her high school graduation because “I’m gonna be sitting there with dark glasses, sobbing.”

All very understandable from a doting dad.

On the other hand, as he’s technically in charge of over a million US military personnel – many not much older than his daughter and serving in the world’s trouble spots – maybe he’d better get a grip. A daughter in college isn’t quite the same as one in a war zone. Soldiers’ parents will know that too well – even if the president is too busy sobbing to see straight.

SIGH… while their girlfriends were flashing their bare boobs, professional footballers in a £500 a head executive box at Cheltenham racecourse decided to pee into their beer glasses and empty the contents over the balcony in full view of crowds and cameras. Classy.

Isn’t there a Public Order Act against urinating in public? And what do you think the chances are of the footballers getting fined?

Not even that good, I’d say.

JUST booked train tickets from Darlington to London next month. With a rail card, a standard class fare would have cost £40.60 each way. First class – more room, free wi-fi, free food and drink – cost £32.65.

No, it makes no sense to me either. But I’ll certainly make the most of it.