SIX things we learnt about the election today.

The Monster Raving Loony Party is alive and well.

Jon Dixon is the official loony hopeful for Hove and Portslade in East Sussex. As his day job is being a panto dame - and there's not much call for panto dames in May - he'll be appearing at the count in his dress and stockings. The party is fielding 16 parliamentary candidates, including Baron Von Thunderclap (Mid Sussex), Hairy Knorm Davidson (Faversham and Mid Kent) and the party's leader Howling Laud against Boris Johnson in Uxbridge and South Ruislip.

Ukip wouldn't have deported St George.

Although he hailed from what is now Turkey, St George would have been welcomed to Britain because of his dragon-slaying skills. Ukip's Patrick O'Flynn said the patron saint of England would have been allowed to stay as 'a skilled migrant' , although he went on to admit: "I guess dragon-slaying is a skill but whether it is one that's in short supply for the needs of the British economy, we will leave to our migration commission."

Nick Clegg should stick to the day job (if he still has one after the election)

The Liberal Democrats have released a joke "election anthem" in which Clegg stars in a mash-up of pop song Uptown Funk.

But it is not going to get into the charts. Some viewers turned it off after just a few seconds, claiming they were "paralysed with cringe".

Stephen Pound is the subject of a new rap song.

The Ealing North MP has had a rap written and sung in his honour.

It includes such immortal lyrics as "Poland and India, you know what's up, when Steve Pound MP rolls up" and "To Fulham Football Club, he got you, oh, he got you".

Mr Pound, a fervent Craven Cottage supporter, is probably whistling in the wind when he says he thinks this flattering ditty could be the official Labour Party election song.

Ukip's Bradford campaign has got off to a bad start.

Ukippers who turned up for a meeting in a local community hall found themselves locked out.

A spokesman for the hall said that when the hall was booked, they did not realise it was for a political party.Their policy is to allow "community" meetings but not political gatherings.

Kellie Maloney is an undecided.

Long-time Ukip supporter Kellie Maloney, formerly the boxing promoter Frank Maloney, says she is still undecided.

She received a standing ovation for a speech at Ukip's conference earlier this year in Margate, Kent.

But when asked about her views on the party's election campaign at a press conference in central London today, she said: "I am not a Ukip member. I'm not here as a political person."