THE weather's awful, it still gets dark at four o'clock and the weekend's five days away, but we're here to cheer you up. We want your funniest gags to give everyone a lift on Blue Monday - officially the most depressing day of the year. Tweet 'em using the hashtag #EchoBlueMonday.

Here's the best from Northern Echo readers and around the web...

Saw an ad in a shop window that said “TV for Sale £1- Volume Stuck On Full”. I thought: “Can’t turn that down”
@GaryFoster

Jonathan Ross accused of nicking from Tesco. Said it was a whisk he was prepared to take.
Archie Plunkett

Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? - cos it ran out of juice
@thompsondr

What's ET short for?.....Because he's only got little legs 
@GowSte

My wife is not happy at all. I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the roof!
@paulkingstonnnp

Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide. 
Darlington MP Jenny Chapman

At breakfast this morning, my wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with Twitter. I nearly choked on my #Brown.”
Kev Fisher

"My girlfriend said she was leaving me because of my obsession with The Monkees. I didn’t believe her but then I saw her face.”
Billy Hollingshead

And here's some from the king of comedy that will fit in a tweet, Tim Vine...

I went to the record shop and I said: “What have you got by The Doors?” He said: “A bucket of sand and a fire blanket.”

“This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.’ I said: ‘Is that a fret?’”

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.
He said: “How flexible are you?” I said: “I can’t make Tuesdays.”

The Northern Echo:

I was getting into my car and this bloke says: “Can you give me a lift?” 
I said: “Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.” 

Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes. 

I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said: “Nearest the bull goes first.” He went “baah”, I went “moo”. He said: “You’re closest.”

"I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust."