Tonight's TV
Hot stuff
Benidorm (ITV1, 9pm); Teenage Kicks (ITV1, 9.30pm); Torchwood (BBC2, 9pm);
COMEDY is a funny thing, but
not always as an ITV1 double
bill demonstrates. Benidorm
gave the channel a rare comedy
hit last year. The series -
along with tanned-to-a-crisp
Madge in her wheelchair - makes a welcome
return in tandem with newcomer, Teenage
Kicks.
Not that new, as it began on Radio Two,
where it should have stayed. The joke, and
this is the only one, is that dad Vernon is living
with his teenage children, sleeping in a
cupboard under the stairs.
As he's played by
Adrian Edmondson
(who co-writes with
Nigel Smith), he
behaves like a big
kid. This causes
the studio audience
to laugh
hysterically. Or
perhaps they were
frustrated at failing
to find the
e m e r g e n c y
exit.
As the episode is called Sex, you may gather
that dad is trying, in his words, "to get his
leg over" after his wife has left him from the
European Commissioner for Soft Fruit, who
is 5ft tall and Belgian. Yes, that's right, this
is a comedy that makes jokes about height
and foreigners. Another gag involves someone
talking in a mock Chinese accent.
Vernon's children - as strong an advertisement
for contraception as you'll find - are
as amazed as we are when he finds a woman
willing to sleep with him, or "dance the gentleman's
excuse-me horizontal waltz" as
someone puts it.
Like us, Vernon can't believe his luck.
"She's going to do it with me, I am a stud muffin,"
he boasts.
His date is played by Abigail Cruttenden,
who also turns up in Benidorm. She ends the
episode screaming her head off. Not at the
memory of appearing in Teenage Kicks but
because dripping wet Spanish waiter Mateo
has just removed his trousers in front of her
and asked for a towel.
This is an unwelcome reminder of a holiday
fling which, together with encountering
floating poo in the pool, rather spoiled her
holiday last year.
Mateo is wet because he's just pulled
Madge's elderly new beau, Mel (Geoffrey
Hutchings), from the water. You can see why
Madge (Sheila Reid), whose skin resembles
the colour and texture of over-crispy bacon,
is attracted to him - he owns five sunbed
shops in Manchester.
The writers have realised that Madge is one
of the funniest things in Benidorm and pay
her more attention. We first find her in the
airport toilet reeling from the effects of
boiled egg curry on the plane. "Have I gone
all pale?," she asks, voicing her greatest fear.
She's soon sitting in a hired mobility scooter.
Son-in-law Mick notes that he's always
wanted to see her in an electric chair, but this
isn't exactly what he had in mind.
Madge has Mel earmarked for marriage but
he won't sleep with her yet. "I can't expect to
share a bed until I've taken her up the aisle,"
he says innocently. The old ones - Madge and
innuendo like that - are the best.
We leave Mel unconscious by the poolside,
althought whether it's a heart attack or the
effect of his thong being too tight has yet to
be established. I wish him and the series well.
Captain Jack Harkness in Torchwood
laughs in the face of death. He can afford to
as he can't die.
He and his colleagues are buried in an exploding
building in the penultimate episode
of this second, uneven series. This allows for
flashbacks showing how and why they joined
the alien-hunting, rift-patrolling Torchwood
organisation.
Captain Jack's back story begins with the
caption "1,392 deaths earlier", a neat play on
the usual two years earlier or what have you.
It begins with him being tortured by two Victorian
ladies and quite enjoying it. "Electrodes
to the nipples, the start of a good
night," enthuses Jack, a man who'll have sex
with anything animal, vegetable or mineral.
He needs something to cheer him up. Being
killed 14 times in six months is as much fun
as watching Teenage Kicks.
9:23am Friday 28th March 2008
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