Bet of trouble

10:50am Thursday 15th May 2008

THE trouble with Harry is that while Vernon's away cruising - on a ship, not the other kind - Liz wants to play in Coronation Street (ITV1).

Bookie Harry is everything that new husband Vernon isn't. Handsome, rich. Well-dressed, rich. Charming, rich. Most of all he's there in Weatherfield while Vernon is splicing the mainbrace and yo-ho-hoing with a bottle of rum on board the good ship Venus, or whatever the boat's called on which he's performing with his band.

Liz needs a new man to go with her new hairstyle. And you can bet that Harry is the gentleman to whom she'll pucker up. Then again, maybe she only wants to show her gratitude for the time he plucked her granddaughter, Amy, from the path of an oncoming car. On their dinner date, when Harry asks Liz if she wants seconds he's not talking about Betty's hotpot. Liz is the hot dish of the day on the menu and you know what they say about one thing leading to another. Starter, main course, pudding, coffee and a spot of how's yer father?

Harry's son, Dan Dan the loosetongued man, lets slip that dad has been seeing Liz (seeing an awful lot of Liz, if truth be known) in front of her son, Steve. Any more shock news like that and his dancing eyebrows will be doing the salsa. There's a complication. Her name is Clarissa, Harry's estranged wife. Probably his strange wife too if I know anything about it. She's back and wants her husband's help.

Liz, meanwhile, is having an attack of guilt. She tells Harry she's made a mistake and determines to put everything she's got into preparing for Vernon's homecoming.

The Barlows are in hot water in another part of the Street. Cold water too because their pipes have sprung a leak. Ken and Deirdre know where to go - Roger next door. After all he's a plumber although he's failed to tighten the stopcock on girlfriend Janice's big gob.

The who's the daddy? drama takes a new twist in EastEnders (BBC1).

Jaunty Jack and Sleazy Sean are busy doing what boys do - knocking the daylights out of each other - when Ronnie, desperate to separate them, lets out the news that sister Roxy is pregnant.

Sean is flabbergasted and, thankfully, unaware yet that he's not the only one who could be the father.

Jack's a contender too. Let's hope Sean doesn't find out. He's already shown his temper by telling Tanya that he'll kill anyone she gets involved with. Sean reacts like the sensible, balanced adult that he is. He kidnaps his own mother. What's the word for someone who does that?

Mothernapper, perhaps. He drags Jean into a car and takes the terrified woman, several spoons short of a canteen of cutlery at the best of times, on a drive. Apparently, he only wants to talk. Considering his limited vocabulary, that shouldn't take long.

What a Gay Day Grayson gets caught out in Emmerdale (ITV1).

He's been seeing his ex-wife Perdy behind the back of fiancee Katie, the girl who's carrying the baby his wife can't have.

Pretty Perdy is back in town and Grayson has been having it both ways yet again. He's the original best bi who likes both men and women, although he seems inclined towards females at the moment.

Katie catches him kissing Perdy on the doorstep, not the most intimate place for a snog. She bides her time.

She wants to know what Perdy has to say for herself before taking her revenge on Grayson.

Jo is beginning to wish she hadn't married into the Sugden family. New husband Handy Andy is living up to his name - hitting out with his hands every time she displeases him. The latest attack finds her in hospital with a fractured wrist. Someone needs to do something about Andy's brutishness - and make him shave off his beard too.

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