Soap Watch
Bumpy ride
IF you're going to faint then it's
always handy to do it front of
a doctor. When Roxy Mitchell
falls lifeless to the floor, Dr
Felix is on hand to administer
first aid. Any excuse to loosen
her clothing in EastEnders (BBC1).
Mind you, it's another of the
Mitchell clan - Peggy - who reckons
she knows what's wrong. Her
prediction is that Roxy has a bun in
the Mitchell oven.
This isn't a cause for joy for the
blonde who is, to borrow an old quote,
the original good time had by all.
This makes identifying the father as
difficult as finding that needle in the
proverbial haystack.
There are two main contenders for
the who's the daddy? award. Neither
is perfect papa material. You
wouldn't want psycho Sean as the
father of your child. And Jack
Branning is a bit of a no-no as he's
also been sleeping with Roxy's sister,
Ronnie. Well, they're both blonde and
found behind a bar so who can blame
him for mixing them up.
Roxy's on a date with Dr Felix
when she faints, going all weak at the
knees for reasons other than her
pregnancy. She's just found out that
he's married with a child. As opposed
to being with child like her.
For the moment, Roxy's keeping
mum about being a mum. She doesn't
want anyone to know until she's
worked out who the father is.
Answers on a postcard please
Elsewhere in Albert Square,
Shirley and Heather are arrested.
They're thrown into a police cell for
what's described as "going wild on a
boozy bender" which has nothing to
do with a drunk homosexual but
results from a night of heavy
drinking.
Heather's upset because her
marriage to Minty hasn't been
consummated yet. No such problem
in Coronation Street (ITV1) although
Liam isn't wed to his bedmate Carla.
This vixen has been trying to get her
claws into brother-in-law Liam for
ages and has the perfect excuse when
his wife Maria walks out.
He's upset and Carla, despite
having just got engaged to Tony,
comforts him. This involves offering
more than a shoulder to cry on.
If only they'd been more careful.
Teen temptress Rosie captures their
morning, after-the-night-before, kiss
on camera.
Gail the hamster has a new man in
her life - the father we never knew
she had. She wants to bond with longlost
father Ted and is determined to
use Superglue to do it. Mum Audrey
forgot to tell her about Ted, including
the fact that he's gay. That's gay as in
homosexual, not gay as in happy.
Ted's arrival coincides with Tina,
girlfriend of Gail's imprisoned son
Demonic David, turning up on the
doorstep looking for somewhere to
stay. She's followed by her mother
who doesn't want Tina associating
with a jailbird.
Heading behind bars too is Viv
Hope in Emmerdale (ITV1). She's
been framed for fraud, accused of
swindling a charity fund. She suffers
the humiliation of a police line-up
and is identified as the person in the
bank when the Happy Smiles account
was emptied.
Poor Viv isn't smiling as she's
locked in a cell. Would-be local
reporter Jasmine will no doubt be
writing up the case for the Hotten
Courier. She's encouraging boyfriend
Miles to get his life in order by
becoming a photographer.
He and Jasmine decide to snap the
contestants in a crazy vegetable
competition. I don't fancy their
chances getting a decent picture of a
crazy carrot or insane onion. The
pictures are hardly going to earn a
place in Hello, are they? Not unless
they start a celebrity cauliflower
section.
11:02am Thursday 8th May 2008
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