Right Charlie

12:39pm Thursday 13th March 2008

ANDY'S out in Emmerdale (ITV1) - not in regard to his sexual preferences but he's being released from prison after his appeal is successful.

To be honest, I've never known what his appeal is, but Jo clearly does as she married him in prison. The honeymoon wasn't up to much as the prison bridal suite was far from palatial and they kept falling out of the top bunk There's a shock in store for Handy Andy back at the farm, where Jo has single-handedly been milking cows, caring for stepdaughter Sarah and keeping Andy's former cellmate Charlie at arm's length. Now her chickens have come home to roost.

Psycho cellmate Charlie wants a car and his plan doesn't involve paying for it. Enter Charlie's angels - Jo, Chas and Debbie. They have a scheme to satisfy Charlie (and no, it's not what you're thinking). They say they'll give him the car if he helps them rob a nightclub.

Like soap weddings, the robbery doesn't go according to plan. This is mainly because Charlie goes armed and doesn't leg it. Instead, he holds everyone hostage at gunpoint. What a welcome home for Andy.

Elsewhere, scheming Nicola is still trying to get rid of husband Donald so she can get her hands on his money. A trip on the moors provides an opportunity for her to do the dirty on him and push him over the edge - in his wheelchair. It's a long way down. Back at the vicarage, Laurel is still trying to come to terms with the death of son Daniel. She starts kissing Greg in the cricket pavilion.

This is totally inappropriate but better than kissing him in the cricket box.

Tanya Branning has murder in mind in EastEnders (BBC1) and who can blame her after husband Mad Max cheated on her? She's been watching too many scary movies because the plan she's concocted is real Hammer horror.

She calls a halt to their divorce to put Max off the scent. Then she cooks him a special meal, putting sedatives in the wine. With Max unconscious, she calls lover Sean Slater to help move the body to a deserted woodland to something she prepared earlier - a coffin in a shallow grave. Sleep tight six feet under, Max.

Torment too for Ian Beale as troublesome teen daughter Lucy runs wild. She and her friends trash the family home during a party after Ian suggests jelly and-pass-the-parcel.

When he witnesses the carnage, he tells off his daughter. She responds by slapping him. And he, in a case of tit for tat, slaps her as months of arguing culminates in a big bust-up.

To cap it all, Lucy goes missing. Ian offers a reward - free fish and chips for life to the person who helps locate her. In Coronation Street (ITV1), it's poor Chesney who's missing. He's been taken away by social services after temporary guardian Kirk was reported for not looking after the lad.

Judging by the way he's shot up in height, they haven't stopped feeding him so it's difficult to pinpoint the area of neglect.

Fiz returns from her holidays and is disgusted to find Chesney's gone.

Former flame Kirk gets a right earful from her. I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't drug him and bury him on Weatherfield Rec.

Demonic David Platt would probably help her. He's already pushed his mother, Gail the hamster, down the stairs. Fortunately for him, she can't remember anything about the incident. But David wants to play safe by getting girlfriend Tina to lie about his whereabouts at the time of the accident.

Round at Roy's Rolls, owner Roy invites worker Becky to move in with him. In a purely platonic way, of course. He has room to spare while wife Hayley is doing good deeds in Africa.

But really the idea of opposites like stick-in-the-mud Roy and fun-loving Becky under the same roof is like Mother Theresa flat-sharing with Russell Brand.

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