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IT'S not long before Mother's Day but some women take to motherhood better than others. Tina is quite right to feel apprehensive about being pregnant in Coronation Street (ITV1).

Her boyfriend is, after all, demonic David, whose terrifying tearaway tantrums have been calmed, temporarily at least, by the love of a good woman, the aforementioned Tina.

Demonic David as a dad is unwelcome news, even if the midwife does remember to check for 666 printed on the head as soon as the baby pops out.

Tina has held off telling David the news after hearing how he tried to commit suicide on sister Sarah's wedding day. She worries that becoming a dad at 17 could tip him over the edge. Or he could tip her over the edge of a cliff.

They've also been going through a bad patch, with him being increasingly jealous of her exboyfriend.

When David's mother, Gail the hamster, confronts Tina about her intentions, the poor girl lets the cat out of the bag and reveals she has great expectations of having a baby.

Gail is horrified and even offers to pay for a termination. What a considerate grandmother. David won't like it when he finds out because he knows that Gail harboured thoughts of getting rid of him before he was born. Parents are supposed to set an example. Like bookmaker Harry Mason. He nicks his son Dan's girlfriend to show him how it's done.

So Dan's not in a very good mood when confronted by a punter Paul who can't pay his debts. He claims all he has to his name are the clothes on his back. So, faster than you can say "get em off" Dan has taken them, leaving Paul to scurry back home in nowt but his boxers. The Superman logo on the front of his knickers will do nothing to cover his embarrassment.

The bride doesn't wear white in Emmerdale (ITV1). He wears a suit and tie. So does the bridegroom.

They're both men. But which one is the best man? Posy Paul and Jonny- Come-Lately finally say I do (rumour has it they've been doing it for months) - twice.

Fed up with Rodney and Val vying for the chance to be wedding organisers, they elope and get wed in a vacant register office slot. All very nice until they turn up at Home Farm and can't quite tell the parents they're married. So they get a friend to perform the ceremony again.

Presumably that means they can have two honeymoons. Doubledealing Eric Pollard is having two women without bothering to marry either. Having accepted a bung to help the King brothers win a council contract, he finds himself required to slip into bed with a councillor's wife.

Little does he know that the local paparazzi, usually confined to taking pictures of sheep, have a long lens focused on his bedroom antics. Eric's prepared to do anything to stop fiancee Val finding out - no matter who he has to sleep with to keep it quiet.

Back in EastEnders (BBC1) Stacey seems to be getting over husband Bradley quite quickly. She's been helping troubled teen Steven since his suicide attempt. He reads more into this than she means and plants a kiss on her cheek.

She rejects him, then confuses the poor lad by later kissing him. He doesn't know whether he's coming or going. They don't call him "crazy Steven" for nothing, so Stacey had better watch out.

Telling if someone is acting crazily is difficult in Soapland where most are as mad as a hatter. Take Shirley.

This week she falls face down in a curry, gets drunk, gets drunker and makes an exhibition of herself wearing a hideous bridesmaid's outfit. Just another week on the funny farm they call Soapland or is something seriously wrong with Shirley?

10:33am Thursday 28th February 2008

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