Love is in the square (From The Northern Echo)

Love is in the square

6:07pm Thursday 5th January 2012 in Soap Watch By Steve Pratt

BIG Pat is buried in EastEnders (BBC1) but son David Wicks is preoccupied with someone else – childhood sweetheart Carol.

They have history – David deserted Carol when she was pregnant with Beeanchor (and no, it’s not true she emerged from the womb screaming Rickeee-eee-eee).

But now they’ve been reunited at dying Big Pat’s bedside – and pretty soon they’re sharing a bed, though hopefully someone has changed the sheets. They want to keep their romance a secret, something that Soapland observers know is a hopeless task. People always get found out.

Then there’s Derek, who thinks he’s Albert Square’s answer to Ray Winstone, but is more like panto villain Abanazar. He doesn’t like David, a man who looks like he’s strayed in from a hospital soap opera.

They’d started punching each other within five minutes of David’s return to Walford. To his credit, David tries to iron things out with Derek rather than hit him with an iron. Alas, Derek tells him he’ll be over to settle old scores once Big Pat is in the ground.

So David teams up with Michael, who’s as crooked as Richard III’s back, to bring Derek down by planting stolen goods in his house.

Alas, it all goes horribly wrong.

No wonder David decides the best thing all round is to get out of town fast and he asks Carol to run away with him like a pair of young lovers heading for Gretna Green.

Also getting cosy under the duvet are exlovers Handy Andy and Debbie in Emmerdale (ITV1). So why are they snuggling up again? To save sick daughter Sarah, who needs a bone marrow donor. If Andy and Debbie can make a baby, it could be a suitable donor.

They’ve tried doing it artificially but hit a snag when the turkey baster was needed for cooking Christmas dinner. Now Debbie wants to do it naturally, but she gets cold feet at the last moment. Humiliated Andy reacts by stamping his foot and telling her he’s not doing it any more.

By this time she wants to have another go, because we all know it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind. She arranges to meet Andy at a hotel and lures him upstairs to the room she’s booked.

Before he has time to stuff the towels and toiletries into his case, she’s seducing him.

But they decide to keep it a secret.

In Coronation Street (ITV1), Owen Armstrong has a carp with Demonic David Platt – he accuses him of poisoning his fish.

Not the fish next to the chips on his plate, but those in his garden pond. It’s the pond that David hates because he sees it as a safety threat to stepson Max.

David protests his innocence but with his past record of misdeeds who’s going to believe him? Not Owen, that’s for sure.