Although it’s not easy for anyone to think about dying, the Childhood Bereavement Network tells Lisa Salmon it’s crucial for parents to safeguard their children’s future

NOBODY likes to think about death, especially their own - but for parents, it's a necessity.

The Childhood Bereavement Network (CBN) estimates that every 22 minutes in the UK a parent dies leaving dependent children, and by the age of 16, one in 20 young people will have had a parent die.

The most obvious way to plan for such a dreadful happening is for parents to make a will, and a recent survey by the CBN found that three quarters (73%) of mums and dads think it's important to have one.

However, only one in four parents of young children actually have an up-to-date will.

Another crucial measure when planning for children's future without their mum and dad is guardianship, or who would look after the kids if they were still young when their parents died. Worryingly, the CBN found half of parents had no definite guardianship plans in place.

Such findings are what's prompted the CBN to launch the Plan If Campaign, to encourage parents to put the necessary plans in place to safeguard their children's future should they die suddenly.

Alison Penny, coordinator of the CBN, a federation of organisations and individuals working with bereaved children and young people, explains that the campaign is encouraging all parents to put practical and personal measures in place including wills, plans for guardianship, insurance, and family stories and letters for children to read in the future.

"Mortality statistics show that in people of parental age around one in four deaths are unexpected, with little or no time to put arrangements in place," says Penny.

"We believe in the importance of all parents making plans now in case they die while their children are still young. Practical tasks, such as making a will and planning guardianship can take some of the uncertainty out of life after a parental death, and personal tasks, such as capturing family stories and writing letters to children, can provide comfort and opportunities to remember and maintain bonds if a parent dies."

The CBN has created a dedicated website, planif.org.uk, to help parents prepare their own Plan If. It contains simple steps parents can follow, set out in a manageable way with the most important steps first, such as:

  • This Week (includes making a will, appointing guardians, and thinking about insurance).
  • This Month (includes financial affairs, digital assets and online accounts, and writing a letter to your child).
  • This Year (includes planning end of life care, capturing your family history, and recording thoughts about your funeral).

CBN research found that a quarter of the parents who didn't have any plans for guardianship admitted it was because they hoped it wouldn't be needed.

But Penny says: "There's a lot of finger-crossing going on, although about one in six people just find it too hard to think about, and about the same proportion of parents say it's too difficult to choose who to have as a guardian."

She points out that the person parents would choose as a guardian when a child was very young wouldn't necessarily be the same person they'd choose when a child was a teenager, as very different parental skills are needed for different ages.

"The most important thing is to find someone who's going to provide your child with love, stability and security," she says, pointing out that the guardian named in a will can be changed at a later date.

And although ten per cent of parents said they didn't know how to make a will, and 14 per cent said it was too expensive, they can actually do it themselves with no cost, as long as the will is fairly simple and is witnessed and signed by another person who's not a beneficiary.

For more complicated wills, a solicitor's help may be needed, and the Plan If website contains advice on how to find one.

Other considerations parents need to make are whether to leave any money to the person who's named as guardian, and to remember to change the will if a guardian dies before the parents. Stating alternative guardianship arrangements in a will is also a sensible idea, suggests Penny.

In addition, adequate life insurance cover can mean children have some stability after their parents' death, possibly being able to live in the same house and attend the same school.

"We know that continuity is really helpful for children after the death of a parent, so thinking about financial ways in which that can be achieved is important," says Penny.

"But personal measures are also important - like a letter to the children telling them how much you love them, how proud you are of them and some personal things about yourself. It's really, really hard to write, but it's incredibly helpful for children to have something in their parents' handwriting that's personal to them.

"It's very hard to think about your own death, and I think some people feel that if they start thinking about it, it's more likely to happen, but of course that's not the case. We just want to make it a little easier for parents to take those first steps.

"Of course this all feels scary and difficult to do, but just taking a few small steps can make a really big difference to children's future.

"It's unlikely that they'll be needed, but it's reassuring to know that they're in place."