12:33pm Wednesday 3rd March 2010
By Sharon Griffiths
THE week after I had my first baby when I was 32, an old schoolfriend became a grandmother at 34. Sue had her first baby at 16. Just after we’d finished our Olevels.
Which was the better age? Hard to say.
At 32, I’d got established in a career and my life. But Sue went to college once her children had gone to secondary school. More of a work ethic and not so much time for bingedrinking.
Good or bad?
She was young and fit when looking after her own children and still comparatively so when she was helping care for her grandchildren. And she already has her first great grandchild – something older mothers are unlikely ever to see.
As for all those women in their late 50s who are said to be demanding IVF treatment, how many of those children will ever know a grandmother at all? They might not even have that much time to know their mothers.
Booker Prize-winning author Hilary Mantel – harking back to the Tudor Age in which she has done much research, has recently made the case for children marrying at 14 – on the basis that if it was good enough for Romeo and Juliet...
The tricky part, of course, is that these days parents of that age are still children themselves and unless the girls marry an older man, they will be unable to support their babies.
But it always seems mad that just when the hormones are at their most raging, we try and make teenagers think about exams rather than sex.
Talk about a losing battle... And then when the hormones are giving up the ghost in our 40s and 50s, we eventually try to become mothers. Contrary or what?
Fourteen is too young by anyone’s standards, but now the average age of first-time mothers has crept up to 29, the 30s being quite common and the 40s not unusual.
And the worst thing now is that we older mothers take it all so seriously.
Our babies have become projects to be coached and cosseted, their every whim and worry a case for great debate.
We spend hours consulting books, watching TV programmes, browsing the internet about what to do with them, spend fortunes on prams and “brain training” – which now apparently does more harm than good.
Whereas younger mothers are likely to be much more laid-back, to take things in their stride and deal with problems with a shrug and “whatever”
– a sort of benign neglect which can often be much healthier than our middle-aged fussing and angst.
Having babies at 18, 19 or 20 seems ridiculously young now. Yet it used to be the norm. Would it be so very bad?
OKAY, let me get this straight...
the Royal Bank of Scotland made a loss of £3.6bn last year and as a reward its bankers are going to get £1.3bn worth of bonuses.
Excuse me?
I know some of them have done brilliantly in other parts of the globe, And I know they’ve reduced the loss from last year.
But out here in the real world, chaps, you only get a bonus when the firm has made a profit. Otherwise you just have to struggle by on your £1m salaries. Is that too tricky a concept to grasp?
Anyway, it’s all right, because the Government had to bail out the banks (where were your super skills then, eh?) we, the UK taxpayers, now own 84 per cent of it.
So that’s all right then, we’ll get our share of that bonus any day now.
Won’t we?
SO there I was ambling down the lane, minding my own business, when I bumped into the Bondgate Wednesday group en masse out for a walk.
It was Monday. I got confused.
The Bondgate Wednesday women were Young Wives once but then grew up. Didn’t we all? But they were a lovely, laughing lot. Great fun That’s what comes from getting off your bums and out into the first bit of spring sunshine this year. Let’s hope it’s not the last...
WAYNE Bridge refused to shake John Terry’s hand when their two teams met for the first time after the revelations that Terry had slept with his friend’s ex-partner.
Wasn’t that wonderful?
The handshake has always seemed a bit of an empty ritual, harking back to a long gone time of courtesy and gentlemanly behaviour. But hey, a footballer refuses to shake hands, the world’s cameras are waiting for the moment and suddenly this simple snub becomes headline news.
Bridge might have longed to throw a punch at Terry, but just refusing to shake his hand was a lot less aggro – and much more effective.
THE Government is said to be considering a competency test for anyone wanting to own a dog.
Apparently they’ll have to prove they have the skills to look after their animals.
A brilliant idea, but it shows our priorities, doesn’t it, that we might have to pass a test before we can have a dog – but anyone with the right equipment can have a baby?
Dear Sharon,
YOUR column on bullying was headed by a headline and a photo of Gordon Brown designed to point readers in the direction of his guilt. But the only accusation against him comes in some
unsubstantiated words in a book. Your writing on bullying will have had many people nodding their heads sadly, knowing exactly what you were talking about. You correctly criticised Christine Pratt
who should go now, because of the damage she has done. Like you, I am not a voter for Ann Widdecombe, but I applaud her and the other patrons who have resigned from Christine Pratt’s charity. Then
in your last paragraph, you join in with all the others lining up to accuse Gordon Brown of bullying, when even Christine Pratt made no mention of him as a bully. That is shameful.
Mr C D Kirk, Brompton, Northallerton
Dear Sharon,
IN my first job I had a boss like Gordon Brown who shouted and threw things at staff. I was very young and quite frightened of him, not being used to behaviour like that at home. I noticed that an
older woman in our office never took any notice of him when he was in that mood. If he shouted and swore, she would simply walk out very quietly and come back when he had calmed down. After a while
I tried this approach and when he saw that his tantrums were having no effect, they became far less frequent. I realised when I was a bit older that this is exactly the way to treat a two-year-old
who is having a tantrum. It was also very useful when my children were teenagers. There is no excuse for rudeness, whoever a person is. Bullying bosses should grow up and stop behaving like
toddlers.
Jennifer Grayson, Darlington.
Dear Sharon,
I WAITED quarter of an hour in Darlington post office and had to stand all the time. As soon as a seat was free, it was grabbed by children. Their mothers were happy to let their children roll all
over the seats while elderly people were standing.
Mrs M Clark, Darlington
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