12:11pm Wednesday 2nd December 2009
By Sharon Griffiths
Life’s too short for making your own Christmas decorations, especially when shop-bought ones are usually much nicer. Not to mention what you can do with the time saved...
NO, definitely not. Whatever the glossy magazines are trying to tell me, I shall not be bringing a clever personal touch to my festive celebrations this year by making my own decorations.
No garlands, swags, centre-pieces – however simple they say they are to make.
I shan’t be making my own Christmas cards either, or crackers, and absolutely no wrapping paper. Make my own wrapping paper? No chance. Are they mad?
Look, I know there are people who have the time, talent and inclination to spend hours, nay days, making something wonderful and beautiful for their home. And I am lost in admiration, even envy, for them. I love to get their hand-made cards and really appreciate the effort and artistry.
Not to mention their organisational skills. But it’s not me.
Life is too short. I have no talent.
Even the pound shop does it better and definitely cheaper. There’s a limit on how much glitter you want stuck to the kitchen table, or wire scratches on your hands. There’s no room on our table for table decorations anyway.
In any case, I was probably scarred for life at the age of five when, after hours of effort, I proudly presented my parents with my Christmas picture of a robin and they said sweetly: “What a lovely Christmas pudding!”
See?
We have a real Christmas tree, worth it if only for the lovely smell all through the house. Otherwise, my festive decorations consist of stuffing as much greenery as I can in vases and behind pictures. My cards come from the charity shop and my wrapping paper from the market.
With the time saved I shall spend more time on online shopping for presents and make my own mince pies, which taste nicer than the shopbought ones. And they’re nicer than wonky table decorations too.
There’s enough stress in the world at this time of year. Why add to it?
ACRYING baby is the sound most likely to wake up a woman – even if she’s not a mother – says new research. Men, there’s a surprise, can sleep through crying babies but are awake like a shot at the sound of a car alarm.
But if you think life with a newborn makes for disturbed nights, just fast forward 17 years. It’s not just noise that disturbs your sleep. When a teenager goes out on his own in his car for the first time, nothing keeps a mother awake like that long, long silence waiting for his safe return.
But they don’t tell you that in the ante-natal classes.
FANTASTIC Christmas window display at Fenwicks in Newcastle. This year it’s the nativity story, with the Annunciation, Roman soldiers, Herod’s palace and the shepherds with their sheep – and another very strange animal – as well as the nativity scene.
The children loved it. One brilliant little three-year-old was clapping so enthusiastically that half the people watching him were nearly awash in tears of sentiment.
But I just wonder how many of those children, or adults come to that, knew the details of the story they were looking at – especially the Roman soldiers and Herod.
And I wonder how many more got the joke in the Latin graffiti...
YES, an unauthorised overdraft is just taking money without asking, another form of stealing really, so if the banks want to penalise people who do this, there seems a sort of justice there, however harsh it may seem.
On the other hand – why do banks let people spend money in this way?
Banks in other countries don’t let you get overdrawn. If you haven’t got it, you can’t spend it. Simple.
But our banks let you carry on spending and then whack you – hard – with the charges. Isn’t that enticement?
It was much simpler in the old days when cheques were returned with the direly disapproving words “insufficient funds”. Probably followed by a summons to a Captain Mainwaring-type bank manager to justify your profligacy. In these high-tech days there must be a simpler way of stopping people spending what they haven’t got.
When you try and use your card when you’re already overdrawn, a loud voice saying “You must be joking!” could do the trick nicely.
THE delivery men from John Lewis turned up exactly when they said they would, unwrapped the tumble drier, carried it in – having carefully wiped their feet – plugged it in, took away all the wrapping and were wonderfully polite and cheerful as they did so. Just as it should be, of course. But doesn’t it make your day when it actually happens?
SOME years ago I wrote a regular column for a magazine in Dubai. Because I didn’t think the contract would last long (it didn’t), I made sure I used the money for something specific rather than throwing it into the general spending pot and getting used to the extra income. I ended up replacing every single flimsy, lightweight matchwood door in our house with proper heavy solid wooden ones, which became known as the “ Dubai doors”.
Ironic, really, that those doors might prove to be more solid and long-lasting than Dubai’s miracle economy, which paid for them.
FORMER boxer Joe Bugner, pictured, evicted from I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here moaned that his fellow contestants were “unintelligent” and “boring”.
And that came as a shock?
FOLLOWING the rumours of an affair, and after the mystery car accident just outside his house – with his wife apparently smashing the car window to free him, having dashed out of the house with a handy golf club, the way you do – Tiger Woods has done everything he can to protect his family, take every bit of blame upon himself and make his wife seem a true heroine.
Wow. She must have really got him scared, mustn’t she?
Dear Sharon,
BEING of a similar generation to your correspondent Geoff Carr, I too found the 11-Plus arithmetic questions very easy. I wouldn’t like to think how the young sales assistant we encountered
recently would have managed.
We had a voucher offering us a ten per cent discount at a local gift shop. We had spent £35 and it took the assistant at least two minutes with the calculator to work out the correct amount. When my wife had the right money ready to offer, the assistant was amazed and looked at her as though she were Einstein.
Fifty years ago I think most tenyear- olds would have done that sum in their heads at twice the speed of that young girl and her calculator.
I refuse to believe that educational standards are rising when every day shows us more examples to the contrary.
Edward Ford, Darlington
Dear Sharon,
I WOULD like to echo your sentiments as to the courage and good spirits of the people of Cumbria. It is good to know that the great British characteristics of determination and humour in the face
of adversity are still in existence.
They have a long job ahead of them and I hope that they will not be forgotten but get all the help they need.
Marjorie Burton, Darlington Dear Sharon, YOU mean those meerkats aren’t real? Another dream shattered!
Den Wilson, by email
Dear Sharon,
WE read so many negative stories about teenagers these days, I would be grateful if you could print this letter.
After hearing about the appeal to raise money for local teenager Lyndon Longhorne, my son and his friend (both music tech students at Wolsingham sixth form) decided they would try to put on a Battle of the Bands contest to raise money for this appeal. They approached the manager of Helme Park Hall Hotel, to ask if they could hire the function room, explaining to him what they were hoping to achieve. He not only allowed them to use the room, but waived the usual hire fee.
As the boys and most of those attending were teenagers, myself and several other parents arrived to supervise, and prepared ourselves for the worst. How wrong we were. As the guests showed up, they were asked for ID and not one of them tried to lie about their age.
Even those over 18 did not purchase any alcohol. These youngsters enjoyed a great night and not one drop of alcohol was consumed.
This fantastic group of teenagers raised a grand total of £380 for Lyndon.
I would be grateful if you could give this a mention in your column, thanking everyone who helped, especially Paul, manager of Helme Park, for taking a giant leap of faith in allowing 80 teenagers to take over his hall for the night.
Mrs J Hyam, Crook
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