PLEASE let’s go back to the old way of doing things. I mean, let the Prime Minister of the day call the General Election when he sees fit.

The trouble with fixed term parliaments is that we suffer endless electioneering. The present campaign has been going on since Christmas. Under the old system we endured three or four weeks of saturated misery and then it was all over.

I’m sick of the lies every hour on the hour by all the parties. It’s miraculous how politicians who have done nothing to remedy the nation’s ills in five years now suddenly reel off a list of truly marvellous policies which they will implement if we’re daft enough to vote for them.

The debt will be wiped out. That sacred cow, that gravy-train for bureaucrats and managers, the NHS will be transformed overnight from its usual condition of waste and squalor to become once again the envy of the world – rather than the laughing-stock of the world which it is at present. Immigration will be restricted. (No it won’t – we’re not allowed to control our immigration policy by order of the EU). 'Educashun' will be transformed so that children will at last learn how to read, write and count. Chickens will fly around ready-roasted and the new government will find a way of extracting moonbeams out of cucumbers. Lies and boredom. Hell will be like this. Ah, but this is hell, nor am I out of it.

Just stop being so cynical, Mullen and consider for a moment what everyone refers to as “the issues.” And for me, you can stop there, with the single overriding issue, which is national defence.

If the Government will not guarantee our safety, then its promises to do all those other fine things will be worthless.

So I couldn’t vote for the Scottish National Socialist Party, even if I were qualified to do so. For the SNP is committed to getting rid of our Trident nuclear submarines.

We used to be able to rely on the Tories to defend the realm. No longer: for Dave refuses to commit even two per cent of GDP to the Armed Forces. Defending the realm has never been a strong point with Labour. Perhaps Ukip then? But they’re not going to win the election are they?

So maybe I should vote for those intelligent chaps in the Lib Dems. These are the people who said they would consider a coalition with either of the main parties and so provide “a heart for the Tories and a brain for Labour”. Some brain. Let me quote from the Lib Dems’ defence paragraph in their manifesto: “We would end continuous at-sea deterrence, but exercise the submarine capability regularly to maintain relevant skills. Through fewer submarines and reduced manpower, we could save money.”

But a deterrence which is not continuous is no deterrence. So, Mr Putin, if you want to attack us, you must make an appointment. You can’t do it next week, because Islamic State have booked that slot, and the week after is when the mad mullahs of Iran are thinking of planting a dirty bomb in the middle of Hartlepool – courtesy of the nuclear capability which PresidentObama has just handed them.

Please don’t tell me that nuclear deterrence is unnecessary and that all we have to do is ban the bomb unilaterally and the world will be a safer place. The only nation in the history of the world to have suffered a nuclear attack is Japan. And they didn’t have the bomb at the time.