AND it came to pass in the land which is Inger-land in the days when Dave was Chief Steward of them which are called the Cameroons, there was much murmuring among the people, even them that dwelt in Clacton by the seaside. And behold, they arose and declared unto the Cameroons: “Get thee hence. For thou art weighed in the balances and found wanting and we will no longer be governed by thee and thy kind.” And it was so.

Now in those days, the whole land groaned and laboured under the burden of that which is called EU, which is the Abomination of Desolation (let the reader understand); and behold Barosso was Pharaoh. And Barosso stood up before the whole Council and saith: “It pleaseth me to behold the people of Inger-land that are subdued by the burdens with the which I have subdued them. I am minded what I will do: I will increase their burdens yet more, even unto tenfold, that them which are subdued shall be subdued the more fiercely and great shall be the subjugation thereof.”

And Barosso calleth unto him his ministers which declared an Edict that saith the people of Inger-land shall pay a Grand Tax, even unto 1.7 billion talents. When he heard of this, behold Dave was wroth and all the Cameroons with him. And Dave departed unto Bruss-els, even unto the Council of Pharaoh and entered therein unto the place where stood the Great Table.

And Dave bangeth upon the Table with his hand, even with his right hand, and he openeth his mouth and saith with a loud voice: “The people of Inger-land are much wearied by the burdens with which the EU hath burdened them, and the subjection with which they are subjected. I will no more that they should be burdened a second time by these 1.7 billion talents. And, as I am Chief Steward of them that are the Cameroons, I will not that this great sum shall pass from our coffers unto thy coffers.”

Now when Barosso heard these things, behold he did laugh, and his whole Council with him. For he saith: “How sayest thou that thou wilt not pay this tax according to the Edict which I have sworn? Dost thou not consider the EU and its great might, and that verily it is the Power which no man of Inger-land can resist and no man gainsay? For behold thy laws are as nought beside the laws of the EU and that which is proclaimed in Bruss-els, that must the people of Inger-land obey.”

When he heard these things, lo Dave was cast down and exceedingly sorrowful, and he departed thence and cometh again unto Inger-land and entereth into his own bedchamber wherein he did weep bitterly. And this was the beginning of sorrows.

And in those days there was a man in Inger-land of the tribe of Ukip and his name was Ni-gel who rose up and did drink a great drink of that drink which he was wont to drink. And he roused his men and took them unto the place which is called in the Inger-lish tongue Roch-ester. And there he did fight against the Cameroons and the Cameroons prevailed not, so that they were no more seen in Roch-ester after that day. And there was much blood.

And behold, the next year cometh the Judgement throughout the whole land and Ni-gel waxed mighty in the land so that Dave was put to rout and the Cameroons were no more seen in Inger-land.