Test your knowledge - who said this in 2014? Find out the answers in tomorrow's Northern Echo

JANUARY

“Cricket rules are bewildering. I have had marriages that have lasted less time than a test match.”

“Ski jumping is 90 per cent balls and ten per cent technique.”

FEBRUARY

“British women are fatter than their counterparts across the Channel because they drink too much wine, they don’t cook with butter and they eat late at night.”

“Being the best at curling is like being the best at ingesting sweetcorn through your nose. You are the best because no one else bothers to do it.”

MARCH

“There is no better place to be on this planet than England. We know how to do things: sit with a glass or four in a London pub and listen to the happy shouts of teenagers in a nearby road setting fire to a Nissan Micra.”

On the subject of on-screen kissing: “As a courtesy, you both chew gum and eat peppermints as if disinfecting in hospital.”

APRIL

 “Oh, I am very nice. Except in the bedroom.”

“I think gay couples should marry and suffer just like us heterosexuals.”

MAY

On the subject of penalty-taking: “As we say in science, England couldn’t hit a cow’s arse with a banjo.”

“Sport has never really been my thing. Whenever I look at motorracing, for example, I always think they could all slow down if they just left a bit earlier.”

JUNE

“The first time I went to Wales I thought I had landed in a land of hobbits. Everybody was really small and the houses were small and the writing was backwards.”

“I hate that man Obama more than any man I have ever met, more than any man who ever lived.”

JULY

“It was thoughtless of me to tell Andy Murray five minutes before a match that I would no longer be able to advise him on strategy.”

“There are five ages of swimwear: bikini, tankini, one-piece, one-piece with sarong and finally there is burying yourself to the neck in sand.”

AUGUST

“For actors in Hollywood, it is very straightforward. We are well-paid animals in a zoo.”

“It would be a great help if Princess Anne gassed Jamie Oliver. He has killed more animals than McDonald’s.”

SEPTEMBER

“My husband and I danced naked in the middle of the desert in Jordan once. If you can’t get your kicks in that incredibly innocent, joyful way, then the world is not a good place.”

“At my first communion, my dad sent me up for seconds. I felt like Oliver.”

OCTOBER

Recalling the first words the Queen uttered to him when she inspected his vegetable garden at the Chelsea Flower Show in 1985: “Your onions are very small.”

Explaining why she had ended her fear that she might kill herself: "Why? Because life is too damn interesting, and I think I am too important.”

NOVEMBER

On his doubts about the ability of Russell Brand to start a revolution: “I couldn’t see him overthrowing a table of drinks.”

“Do I want children? No never have done. Just puppies.”

DECEMBER

“Edwina Currie has become the poster girl for sexually active pensioners everywhere.”

“I got a package in the post last week and on it it said ‘Please do not bend’. So how was I supposed to pick it up?”

On being described as ‘a national treasure’: “That is like being a dusty thing behind a lot of glass. You might as well be in the British Museum. I don’t want to be a fossil.”