I know it's not very likely but here's 10 reasons why I really, really want England to win the World Cup...
1. MR NICE GUY: Roy Hodgson once gave up his seat for my mum at Manchester railway station. She was 80 at the time and she said he was a real gentleman.
2. ECLIPSE OF THE SUN: I can remind everyone how The Sun cruelly mocked Roy Hodgson when he was appointed Engkand boss with its ill-judged front page headline: Bwing on the Euwos.
3. WATCH WITH MOTHER: I was only four when England last won the World Cup and all I can remember is Bill and Ben. I'll be able to watch the final with my mum. She's 83 now.
4. FOR BETTER OR WORSE: My wife keeps saying it's "only football". Obviously, she's wrong.
5. HOLD THE FRONT PAGE: Newspaper sales will increase because people will want to keep them as souvenirs. Every editor needs as much help as possible.
6. QUIDS IN: I've got six quid on The Three Lions at 28-1. I've got four kids and an expensive wife. I need every penny.
7. BARTON UP THE WRONG TREE: Joey Barton said England were "shit" last year though, to be fair, he's been more diplomatic in the run-up to the tournament.
8. THEY STINK IT'S ALL OVER: I'm planning to wear my lucky Mr Happy socks until England get knocked out. If I'm going to be an outcast, it has to be worth it.
9. PHOTO-FINISHED: John Terry has retired from international football so he won't have the brass neck to stick on an England shirt and sneak into the official photo of the winning team, despite not playing in the final.
10. BEAM ME UP SCOTTIE: I supported Andy Murray in the Wimbledon final against Novak Djokovic last year so I expect all Scots to join me in shouting passionately for an England victory. Are you listening Alex Salmond.