I know we're all in a rush these days but I came across a fella in the chip shop today who must be on an especially tight deadline.

There I was,  in Barnacles in Darlington town centre, waiting for my fish and chips when a man came in behind me and asked for a "Nosh Box".

"What do you want in your "Nosh Box, love?" he was asked.

"I'll have a fishcake," he replied.

"There'll be one done in 30 seconds," said the counter assistant.

"No, I can't wait - give me a sausage," he snapped.